Ashes to Ashes

 

Traditional day after Christmas burning of the paper and boxes. In addition to the “festive garbage” I decided to burn some of my boxes of documents that I have had in storage for eight years. Copies of checks…statements…old bill receipts…all for Fawcett Creek Farm. My ex-husband and I used to own a dairy called Fawcett Creek Farm. I have kept the papers for all of these years, responsible to the guidelines for retaining documents schedule. I did the right thing. I carried through.

I thought it would be simple…throw the papers on the bonfire and poof…they would be gone. What I wasn’t prepared for was the rush of emotion all of those snippets of paper caused. I found bits and pieces of memories; old Christmas cards that had made their way into the financial boxes. Old contracts and promises. Pieces of our life when there was an “us” and a testament to years of hard work and hopeless dreams. I had to see those papers.  I was left to burn them to keep them from prying eyes and identity thieves. I had to do the clean up. Destroy everything that said both of our names on it. I should have dropped off the boxes on HIS front porch, but I didn’t trust him to destroy them properly. I had to spend two hours reliving the new Honda 4trax we bought our son and paid for. The receipts for the milk that we shipped to the creamery. He should have had to relive those pieces of the past that needed to be erased. Instead it was as it has always been…he got off easy. He just walked over people and walked away. Just start over without a care or thought of the past. Simply a selfish man, who fooled so many for so long.

I watched all of the documents burn and raked and turned over that pile of papers again and again to make sure it all burned. It did…and I felt good…satisfied when it was all over. I felt a bit smug and powerful as I tossed it all away and watched the pieces disappear into bits of floating ash. I controlled the fire and decided when and where to destroy the evidence of our past. Should have did this years ago, but it wasn’t the right time. Now was the time.

The flames died and the ashes were raked into the earth. I got into my truck and drove away.

Christmas 2011

Reaanne, Christopher, Chad, Eddie and Lesley...Christmas 2011

Ok…so I’ve been very negligent in blogging. My resolution is to be more faithful in offering my two-cents worth and blog more. So here it goes…

Since I wrote last, I have moved from my little house into my parent’s home up the road. I have (what I call it) a studio apartment that used to be the family room. I have my own entrance and bathroom, so it is quite the adventure of adjustment. Thanks to divider bookcases at Ikea, I have a bedroom area, living area and an office area. Only what is strictly necessary made the move with me and the rest is back into storage. Last summer I had made it my goal to clear out and get rid of my storage unit and I did. Then a few weeks later, my brother and his wife decided I had to move from the little house, so back into storage my things went. What’s a plan, right? Due to the economy and price of rent, my single salary doesn’t go far enough for local rent rates, so the parents “made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.” I seem to have come full circle…eight years ago, after the divorce, my daughter Lesley and I stayed in this very “studio” while we organized and found a place to live. Here I am back. I am thankful that I have a place to go. It makes you appreciate things and it helps a person to understand that what you have doesn’t matter; it’s how you treat people and how you show kindness and love. Too bad everyone doesn’t know that. Enough about that.

Christmas 2011 has come and gone. I have a miniature tree on my bookcase and my collections of Santas and snowmen are perched on the piano and bookcase, respectively. So even though space is tight, it does feel like Christmas in my room, surrounded by a few of my favorite decorations. My other decorations will live in their boxes until the time I have more room.

My two children, Chris (and his girlfriend, Reaanne) and Lesley (and her boyfriend, Chad) outdid themselves in the thoughtfulness department and presented me with awesome gifts. Slippers, a massage gift certificate (have to remember to make the appointment!) and a special music box selected by Chris (he even wrapped it himself and I don't think he has ever did that before!). I have to admit, the music box brought some tears to my eyes as it has a beautiful verse about mothers on the top and it opens to play the song, “You Can Always Count On Me.” I am so thankful for them and my new little grandson, Eddie, born to Lesley and Chad in November. He is a keeper, that’s for sure.

Speaking of Eddie…Edward Joseph Wilson was born on November 7. Edward is a family name and was the name of his daddy’s grandpa. Joseph is Lesley’s dad’s middle name. He is a blessing and being grandma rocks! As I look at Eddie, I am drawn into a time warp because it seems as though it was just yesterday when Chris and Lesley were babies. The years have careened by and all of the memories a person vows to keep become hazy blurs. I guess that way it forces us to appreciate each moment because moments will never be as clear as they are at the time they happen.

I’ve enjoyed being on Christmas Break from work. Ah…the life of a school employee. I’m storing up my moments of rest, because when I return to work in January we will be preparing for our annual Charity Drive and I will get no rest at all, since I am a Junior Class advisor. It will be meetings, preparation and planning, in addition to the normal daily work routine. Charity Drive isn’t until February, but a ton of planning precedes the event, that is for sure! I wrote about Charity Drive last year, so you can look up one of my past entries for explanation.

Enough for now. I have a movie to watch and a couch calling my name.

Summertime...Sweet Summertime

Reminds me of a Bob Seeger song, Night Moves. Summertime. This is starting out to be the type of summer that requires one to be very flexible and "go with the flow." Thought I had a part time job all sewn up and received a call an hour before I was to report to work telling me that they might not be busy enough to need me. Talk about shock! As I work for the school district, I have a two month break and no pay check. So after a day of feeling sorry for myself, I pulled myself up and got to work making contacts with prospective clients for my freelance graphic design business, FoxHurliman Graphic Design. I am happy to say that I have a few projects now lined up and hopefully more will follow. God is faithful and when a door is closed, another will open. True that.

I'm cleaning out my storage unit. Moved almost all of my belongings there seven years ago when I got divorced. Decided it was more than time to go through everything and keep, give away, discard, you know the drill. It's been fun and worth the work as I have found a lot of memories in there.

One sweet memory I found was my journal from my freshman year of high school that I kept for English class. What a read! The funny thing is, I work at a high school and when the freshmen arrive each fall, they look and act so young. Reading through the journal, I rediscovered that I too, was young and inexperienced in ways I had forgotten such as the way I wrote and the words I chose. Even more magical are the ways that I am the same. I can see the "me now" in the words I wrote. The drama and the humor that I carry with me were there all along. The sentimentality and the way I looked at life when I was fourteen can be seen in bits and pieces 30 plus years later. Even after years of living and times of broken hearts, the same hopefulness and positive attitude of that fourteen year old remain.
Like looking back through veiled time, the images of those times gradually unlock themselves from the recesses of my brain and I can see the faces of the friends that I cared for and the boyfriend that is no longer alive. Bittersweet, yet part of a passionate life that has been well-lived.

My life...

A Pickup and a Trailer

Today I went with my daughter, Lesley to her horse trainer's place in Dallas. We hauled her new horse, Cash, and dropped him off for a few weeks of schooling. There's nothing I love more than to travel with Lesley and her horses. It's our time to talk and catch up. Lesley is 22 now, which is unbelievable because I swear I only blinked once and she was grown up. I had hoped to get my son, Chris, to go with us, but it was last minute and he had plans.

Simple things are my style. I love to spend time with those I love. Don't have to do anything exciting, just traveling down the road towing the horse trailer will do.

It's a good day.

Proud to be a Cheesemaker!

It's been an entire month since I have written. I have a good reason; last month was the annual Tillamook High School Charity Drive. It's ten crazy days of raising money for local charities and Doernbecher Children's Hospital in Portland, Oregon. Each class competes with one another to raise the most money. In order to receive donations, a service has to be provided, such as dinners, silent auctions, concessions at ball games, art camp for kids, car washes, donkey basketball, boxing events, you name it...it's done. At the end of the 10 days, the princess and prince from each class makes a grand entrance into the gym at a basketball game and the royalty of the class raising the most money is crowned Queen and King. It's a community-wide event and it's a big deal. This year the four classes raised over $172,000.00! This is from a community that is NOT wealthy. It's from a community that has a high unemployment rate and struggles financially.

I am a co-advisor for the class of 2013, the Sophomore Class. As an advisor, I began with this class last year when they were freshman and will "travel" with them until they graduate as seniors. Kara, my co-advisor and I work very hard to instill good values in our class. Last year the school raised over $136,000.00 and the freshman won, earning over $40,000.00 of that total. It is unheard of for the freshman to win, in fact I think the last time a freshman class won was in the 1980's. But this class did it and we are very proud of them.

Then came this year. How would they top last year? Was it possible? Kara and I were a bit worried about the possibility of meeting last years total, considering the harsh economic climate. But our student leadership was positive that they were going to raise at least the total of last year. We commenced to work our behinds off and when all was said and done, this remarkable class with wonderful parents, raised over $51,000.00 of the $172,000.00! Amazing it was! Unbelievable. The junior class was right behind us with over $50,000.00, the seniors with over $41,000.00 and the freshman with over $29,000.00! Over $80,000.00 was donated to Doernbecher Hospital and the rest will remain in Tillamook, awarded to local charities and college scholarships for Tillamook High School seniors. This was the 58th year for the charity drive and our grand total is now at over $1.9 million dollars! All from a little town on the northern Oregon Coast, Tillamook, OR.

Unfortunately, the charity drive doesn't receive much publicity in the metropolitan areas of Portland and Salem, Oregon. We have requested that news crews come and report on the giving, but alas, they seem to be too busy covering bad news to cover good news. Ironically, the news crews of Portland are "Johnny on the spot" when it floods or storms at the coast. Go figure...doesn't make sense to me.

One bright spot came this week from radio station KUIK in Hillsboro, Oregon. They called and interviewed the sophomore class charity drive student chairs about the charity drive. It was neat to know that people do care and notice the good that is being done in areas of our state.

They say, "It takes a village..." but in Tillamook, I believe it "Takes a High School." A school of dedicated, hard-working teenagers that have huge hearts and willing hands that make magic happen every year during the Charity Drive. The community of Tillamook High School is special. It is dedicated to serving and helping others.

I was born and raised in Tillamook. I graduated from this school and now work at this school. Before me, my mother graduated from this school and years after me, my two children became THS graduates. The hallways are full of memories and tradition for me and I get a sense of pride when I watch the students of today continue the activities that were started 58 years ago.

I love Tillamook High School...

Hearts and Affections

So I'm preparing myself for another February 14. A day when everyone is supposed to have someone for a Valentine. The gooey, syrupy, sugary day of love. Bah Humbug. What about all of us singles? Yeah, I sound jaded, I know I do. OK. Enough self-pity. Sometimes love is bittersweet as in the following poem by Lord Byron, one of my favorite romantic poets.

When We Two Parted
by Lord Byron (1788 - 1824)

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever the years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder, thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk, chill on my brow,
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me...
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well..
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

Sun Rays

In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary.  ~Aaron Rose

I found this beautiful sight right out my front door. The clouds hid the December evening sun; the brightness sharply outlining the edges of the clouds. The rays of sunlight burst across the sky and honestly took my breath away. I drove up the road and picked up my mother because I simply had to share this view with someone. I had to have a witness to validate it in my memory. 

 

I imagined that the heavens were behind the cloud and while we were not permitted to look directly at it, God provided the glorious rays as a testament to the beauty. I also thought of hope and faith; that the old saying, "behind every cloud there is a silver lining" was totally true. This photo illustrates the awe behind the clouds and the faith it takes to know that there is light behind the darkness.

 

This I believe...