It's Complicated

I went to see the movie "It's Complicated" today. It's a great movie about divorced parents getting back together 10 years post divorce for an affair. Reminded me of my life...not the affair part, but the "dealing with divorce" part. This couple has grown children that still are adjusting to their parent's divorce. It's true to life. And...Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin Rock! I love Alec Baldwin. He's one of my fav guys and I adore his acting and cuteness. Sweet!

It's a good movie that is honest and shows how one's decisions in life affect all of those around you. I think my ex-husband needs to see this flick! Something to think about...

Christmas

The "Old Days" Chris & Lesley Christmas 1992

Chad & Chris

Lesley

Snowmen...

Tiny Tree...Perfect!

Christmas 2009 has come and now is going. Another year of memories and smiles with a few tears thrown in for good measure. All goes together to make us who we are. It was a beautiful sunny day on the Oregon Coast today. Up early to Mom's to unwrap gifts, then to my brother's for dinner. Home now for a quiet moment to reflect and then off to watch movies at Mom's.

I haven't been faithful in blogging lately. Somehow I just couldn't get to it. I have no idea why. It's just something inside that did not want to put the words on paper. I promise myself that I will be more faithful and update more often.

My two children, Chris and Lesley are the joys of my life. They have turned into two fine young people. Lesley's boyfriend, Chad is a fine young man and I am thankful for him in my daughter's life. Life has not always been so fine. My kids have had their ups and downs and it's been a long road, but with the years have come some maturity and they are my blessings. I love being with them and being a part of their lives.

Christmas Break is half over. I've spent the first half preparing for today and now I have another week off to relax and work on some art projects. I want to "play" with dominoes, polymer clay and design work. My goal is to create inventory for my new Etsy store site: Boxcar Annie. I'm also vowing to become more organized and have less baggage. I'm paring down and keeping what is really important to me and letting go of some of the things that no longer hold any use for me.

I hope your Christmas was special. It's never perfect...but it's all good. May God Bless You All!

Leavenworth Getaway

The Cascade Mountains near the town of Leavenworth, Washington

Last winter I won a 3 night stay at a spa/hotel in Leavenworth, Washington. Leavenworth is an charming village at the eastern base of the Cascade Mountains. It's a German-themed town and a wonderful place to visit. In August, I "cashed in" my prize and took my best friend, Susan with me as her birthday present. We each took our daughters along too which made it the perfect girls' weekend getaway.

After driving 8 hours, we were ready to enjoy the pampering at Solstice Spa Hotel. This great boutique lodging has three plush rooms above a full service spa and retail salon. A very quiet and intimate setting, it's perfect for couples or like we did, a girls getaway. Our room had a fireplace, leather furniture, two plush queen beds and a bathroom that seemed larger than my house! From the spa breakfast of fruit juices, yummy spa cookies and Tillamook Yogurt, to the box of fine chocolates placed upon each bed every day, no detail was left undone.

We enjoyed great massage treatments from the Solstice staff and then melted back up to our rooms. We shopped till we dropped and enjoyed great food and fun in the charming town of Leavenworth. It's definitely a place to visit!

Discovery

Ok...so I have lived all my life in the same small town. But...I have been in the city of Portland which is 75 miles away so many times it seems as though it's my second home. Traveling over Highway 6 through the Coast Range, driving the road from memory, knowing each little twist and turn. Watching the road, being safe, keeping those eyes on the road. Never once had I diverged from the road and been to U.S. Forest Service Jones Creek Campground. Yesterday I did.

A friend has been camping there this week (it's her first time there too) and asked me to join her for a day on the riverbank. When I turned off of Highway 6, I was blown away by the beautiful campground and facilities. Private, quiet sites with dappled sunlight filtering through the tall trees, made me want to immediately go home and get my tent! The day use area has easy to navigate steps down to the river and the water was wonderful. The river is quiet there and perfect for kids and families. Lazily floating on the river, I enjoyed the warm rays of the sun and good company. I hesitated to leave, the afternoon was perfect!

We couldn't believe that we didn't know how wonderful the place was! Always driving by, we never knew such relaxation and rejuvenation opportunities were available right off of the beaten path. It pays to pause and enjoy the moments of this crazy thing we call life...

It's Time

It's time...almost time to return to work after a summer of adventures, travels and r & r. One more week before the school year begins and "early to bed...early to rise." I'm looking forward to another year of working with students, parents and reconnecting with my co-workers. The "little universe" that is high school is never dull and there is always something going on. I suppose that "something" could be called "drama." Yes...little bits of drama everyday when you are working with teenagers. But I wouldn't change it for all the time in the world. Watching young people grow into adults and learning to deal with "real life" is fascinating. It keeps me young and reminds me to take one day at a time.

But before school, there is one week...one week of summer vacation left. Unfinished chores that are on the "to do" list beckon me with guilt. I turn my head away from the list and listen to my heart that tells me that the jobs will wait, but the summer days will not. Deep breaths and warm sun are on my priority list this week. Time is of the essence and I will not waste it...so where is my lawn chair and bring me my ice tea...The lazy days of summer are here for me!

photo above is the tiny city park in Christopher, Illinois where my father grew up. I visited there in June with my parents.

Shadow Paths

It is a beautiful day...warm and sunny, a perfect August afternoon. I am relishing the last two weeks of summer vacation and vow to remember the sweetness of the season. Life is good. In my daydreaming, I remember those who are going through life's sorrows, specifically the loss of loved ones. While I am enjoying the warmth and wonderful weather, there are those that are clinging to sanity while mourning the passing of cherished family. Everyone has their hurts and sometimes it is too easy to let those in pain pass by without offering a word, a touch or comfort. Why do we let them pass by? Sometimes we just don't know what to say, we don't know how to say it or we simply don't want to appear foolish and stupid by our lack of eloquence.

Let me be brave enough to appear foolish...let me be honest enough to share my failures, my misses with others if it will help them rise above their despair. I don't want empathy to ever leave my heart. I will try to take the path that points the way to honesty and loyalty...even though it may be in the shadows...

"It is impossible for one to live without tears who considers things exactly as they are."

Gregory of Nyssa, De Beatitudine

Pig N Ford at the Tillamook County Fair

My son, Chris drives car 12 in the Pig N Ford races at the Tillamook County Fair. For those of you that have never heard of these "unique" races, check out the Pig N Ford website.

"In every race, each driver must first grab a 20-pound pig before cranking his engine, hopping into the T, and zooming around the track at speeds of up to 65 miles per hour. When he returns to the finish line, he must turn off the engine, return the pig to the correct numbered pen, grab another, and do it all over again. Twice. The first car back to the finish line is declared the winner. Strategy helps (particularly in the pig-exchange portion of the race, when drivers must decide where to park, to block or be blocked), but it’s mostly a mad, dusty dash, with humorous sound effects, that has delighted crowds for eight decades." (from Oregon Coast Today article 2006)

My son's father, Rick Hurliman began driving car 12 after purchasing it from his uncle, Francis Hurliman in the early 1980's. After much expense, we rebuilt the car using vintage parts and after a few years had a contender. Rick won a few championships on car 12, but after an accident in 1999 (he got kicked by the crank and severely injured his hand), decided to retire from driving. Chris has been racing the car for several years and has did a great job! This year the car had some mechanical issues and Rick and Chris, with the assistance of Chris' grandpa, George Hurliman, did their best to work the kinks out. The old car didn't cooperate and Chris was held out of the running for the championship. That's the way it goes with the vintage racers, sometimes they run like a top and sometimes they don't. That's part of the challenge and fun of Pig N Ford racing. There's always next year, Chris! I'll be there again rootin' you on!

Cowgirl Up!

One of my favorite things to do is to watch my daughter, Lesley barrel race. For many years I was a "Show Mom" and hauled the trailer to take her to horse shows where she rode Western and English. Her horse, Nevada was awesome for her and they shared many wins and awards. After Lesley graduated from high school she decided to make a change and go from the form of equitation to the speed of barrel racing. She purchased a young mare named Little Calico and is training her to race. In the meantime, Lesley has discovered that Nevada has the speed of a little stick of dynamite! Nevada has a lot of heart and is fast around the barrels. So Lesley is enjoying taking Nevada to some barrel shows and letting her "do her job" around the barrels. Of course, I love to tag a long and root them on. Great family time and awesome memories! Cowgirl UP!

Perfect Chicken Dinner: North or South?

Top: Southern Fried Chicken Dinner (mashed potatoes/gravy, dumplins, sweet corn, green beans, cole slaw and homemade yeast rolls) served family style at Giant City Lodge in Giant City State Park in Southern Illinois.
Bottom: Northern Chicken Dinner

I wrote the following for my college Writing 121 class a few years ago. Funny what you can compare and contrast!

The Civil War, or the War Between the States as it is called south of the Mason-Dixon Line, is not over! There are countless subjects that “fire up” the heart of any true Southerner, and the quest for the perfect chicken dinner is one of them. There is definitely a “North and South” difference when it comes to a chicken dinner dining experience. While you might walk away from both dinners a bit stuffed, you typically will be stuffed full of entirely different foods.

Walk into any family restaurant in “Dixie” at suppertime and you will most likely be greeted with a cheerful, “Hi, ya’ll. Have a seat and your waitress will be right with ya.” Your waitress will arrive and ask if you want sweet or unsweet tea. She’s not talking about hot tea; she’s talking about fresh brewed ice tea, the Southerners year around beverage of choice. If you ask a Northern waitress for “sweet tea” you will probably get a blank stare, or a pot of hot tea with a few small packets of sugar. You will also get that “deer in the headlights” look from the Northern waitress if you ask if the tea is fresh brewed. It seems that the only ice tea that most Northern restaurants know is the kind that flows out of the fountain pop machine.

A good dinner salad is usually enjoyed next by Northerners and Southerners alike. The Southern salad might contain some black-eyed peas, baby lima beans and turnip greens in addition to the expected lettuce and carrots. The Northern salad usually has something a bit “artsy” in it, like a festively cut piece of onion or a hard chunk of baby cob corn. The big difference is the choice of bread that accompanies the salad. In the North you might get a stale breadstick or if you’re really fortunate, a special dinner roll fresh off of the Franz delivery truck! Those dining in the South will enjoy either a big thick slab of hot cornbread and honey butter or a mouth-watering handmade buttermilk biscuit and fresh jam.

Moving along toward the main course, some Southern decisions need to be made. In addition to the real mashed potatoes and country gravy, you will choose two or three “sides” from a huge list that includes: corn, fresh green beans and bacon, greens, cole slaw, fried apples, dumplings, macaroni and cheese, hash brown or sweet potato casserole, fried okra, to name a few. In the North, you will have the “awesome” task of deciding between a baked potato, French fries or rice pilaf, which is really a clump of instant rice mixed with bullion with a few peas thrown in for good luck. Most Northerners decide to “play it safe” and stick with the baked potato (only available after 5:00 p.m.) or enjoy a few fries with ketchup.

After the choices are made, dinner, as it is known in the North, or supper, as it is known in the South, is served. It’s time to bring out the “big bird”. “Up” North your chicken might be broiled, baked or marinated in some “fancy-dancy” goop. It might be covered with fresh lemon slices or it might be stuffed with something strange. It will probably be a boneless breast, as Northerners think the breast is the only edible part of the bird. You can be sure that it will have a pretentious sounding name, like “Grand Chicken Lemon”, or something of that nature. “Down” South you will enjoy golden brown, crispy, hot, well-seasoned fried chicken, breasts, drumsticks, wings and other assorted parts included. It will have been fried in either butter, lard or bacon grease and it will be so delicious that your arteries won’t care a bit! Plain and simple, “down home” chicken can’t be beat!

If you are still able to find a corner of your tummy left unfilled, dessert is waiting. In the South, you might choose an apple dumpling made with tender slices of Golden Delicious apples, baked in a crust, covered with pecan streusel and served warm with vanilla ice cream. In the North, you might pay the price of a whole pie for a sliver of pie, “fresh” from the freezer. As you eat your dessert, your gaze will fall upon the bill for your meal. It is almost guaranteed that the Southern meal will be about one-half of the cost of the Northern meal. It’s one instance where you don’t get what you pay for! However, the expected tip is the same no matter where you dine. You then “roll” out of the restaurant with visions of a long nap to help you recover from your gluttony.

While the history books declare that the North won the Civil War, there are definitely some battles that go unreported and undocumented. One such battle is the “Battle of the Chicken Dinner”. This battle rages on and fuels the War Between the States, fought in Southern dining halls where the tinkling of the ice cubes in the sweet tea mingle with the rebel yell of “Southern chicken rules!” to the fern adorned eateries of the North and the timid cries of “Just say no to fat!” Having eaten chicken dinners on both sides of the Mason-Dixon Line, I choose to live and dine in Dixie! The South will rise again, thanks to their perfect chicken dinner.

Sacred Mountains

above: Place of a Thousand Drips

above: Ephraim Bales Barn

The Cherokee People called the Great Smoky Mountains "Shaconage," or "place of blue smoke." It is a place of remarkable natural beauty, incredible views, and sparkling streams. I have visited these mountains several times and each time I am amazed by their quiet strength. They really do appear out of a bluish haze that creates a remarkable palette of color.

Last month I again made the long trek to the Smoky Mountains with my parents. Due to the humid heat, my dad and I decided to forgo a hike by foot and at the suggestion of a local resident, traveled the Roaring Fork Motor Trail in the Smoky Mountain National Park, which takes off out of Gatlinburg, Tennessee. This one-way paved road twists and turns through the park and shows off the bounty of the park. Creamy, blush wild Rhodies were everywhere and at every turn it seemed as though there were beautiful waterfalls. It was a welcome respite from the busyness of Gatlinburg. One of the most impressive sights was the Place of a Thousand Drips, an awe-inspiring waterfall that cascaded over ancient rocks.

The local that told us about Roaring Fork Motor Trail owned a second hand store in between Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge. Her family had been early settlers of the area and she introduced me to her grandmother who was in her 90's. "Grandma" was a delightful lady with a southern mountain drawl. She spoke of living on the family farm, which was now in the Smoky Mountain National Park. The U.S. Government bought out her family's farm and they had to move to make way for the park 75 years ago. This brought to my attention the plight of many of the mountain families that had to give up their homes and farms during the time of the creation of the park. There is still some bitterness by some that miss their homesteads, as the park came with a high price tag for those that had to vacate the land after being bought out by the U.S. Government. The amount of great emotional losses to people who had to walk away from their homes didn't equal the amount of monies paid for their lands. A later survey of the displaced people showed that about half took the money and ran and were glad to have it; while the other half expressed feelings from mild inconvenience to outright hostility. Some people were allowed to stay under lifetime leases, particularly if they were too old or too sick to move. Younger ones were granted leases on a short-term basis, if they wanted to try to stick it out. However, they could not cut timber, hunt and trap at will, or otherwise live as they always had.

All in all, more than 1,200 land-owners had to leave their land once the park was established. They left behind many farm buildings, mills, schools, and churches. Over 70 of these structures have since been preserved so that Great Smoky Mountains National Park now contains the largest collection of historic log buildings in the East. (information from National Park Service-Great Smoky Mountain National Park site)

One farm that stands is the Ephraim Bales place. Standing silent in a wooded glen, the cabin and outbuildings seemed frozen in time. From the rock walls built by busy hands, to the paths that curved down to the rushing stream, this homestead was quiet, as if waiting for the nine Bales children to return. Walking along the grounds, I found myself imagining what it would have been like to live such a life in the mountains. I was thankful for the preservation of these homesteads that allow us to peak into the past, but I mourned the families that had to give up their dreams and make way for the park.

My Little Boy

Meet my best buddy, Spur. I think he had enough of the sun and fun in this pix. We had spent the afternoon up the Trask River and I had coaxed him into the water, which he didn't really enjoy all that much. But he took a swim for me...He usually looks more "smiley" and I think he was in a serious mood (pondering his dog paddling).

Spur is a darling and keeps me company. He's my good little boy and I adore him. I had a beloved little beagle, Augie for 16 years and she peacefully passed away a couple of years ago. My daughter, Lesley thought I was lonely and brought home Spur, who was the runt of a litter and a very teeny-tiny boy. I fell in love at first sight. My awesome dalmatian, Gunner adores Spur too.

"One reason a dog can be such a comfort is that when you are blue, they don't try to find out why." Author Unknown.

Slow Down South

A few weeks ago I visited my Aunt Ruth Ann who lives near Atlanta, Georgia. I've always been a fan of the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" and was happy to visit the tiny town of Juliette, Georgia where the movie was filmed. After eating at the "Whistle Stop Cafe"(the secret's in the sauce), I wandered the one street of the town. The old buildings are now in use as little antique and specialty stores.

I spied this old bike propped up against a building and just had to stop. Something about this bike made me pause and think. Who rode this bike and where did it take the rider? What adventures did the bike participate in? Someone that rode this bike had style as the seat was a "banana" seat and not an ordinary factory seat. Was it always white, or was it shiny red or blue when new? The bike had seen better days and I'll bet those days were great! Riding down the red Georgia clay back roads pedaling to the sound of buzzing bugs and the smell of a humid southern afternoon, the rider must have been happy to be traveling in such style. I wonder how many lightning bugs the rider chased when speeding home late for supper?

The heat of the noon-day sun jarred me back from my thoughts...time to get back into the air conditioned car...

Maid-Rite Forever!

The Maid-Rite in Christopher, Illinois has been a "must go to" spot in my family forever. My dad grew up in this small Southern Illinois town and spent many hours at the horseshoe-shaped counter enjoying "maid-rite" sandwiches; a loose-meat beef sandwich and delicious homemade pies.

My aunt and uncle worked there as teenagers in the 1950's so there is a lot of affection for the institution in my family. My dad has been living "out west" on the Oregon Coast in Tillamook for over 50 years and every time he travels "back home" to Christopher the first stop he makes is the Maid-Rite to see who is there, as it's always been the local meeting spot. It's not unusual for locals to drop in more than once a day to check out who is there.

I was just there a couple of weeks ago with my mom and dad. The pies are just as yummy as ever and the maid-rite sandwiches are the same as I remembered with "everything" on it. Everything is mustard and onions. I must admit I customize with some ketchup, which makes the sandwich perfect!

The Christopher Maid-Rite didn't seem as busy this visit. The hours seemed to be cut back. The "word on the street" is that there is some worry that the current owner is not as devoted to the history and importance of this institution to the community as he should be. I hope that is not true and I really hope that the current owner keeps the place going strong. It would break my heart to travel back to Christopher and find the place gone! The current owner needs to appreciate the sentiment that the place holds for the locals and the countless people that grew up there and return to the Maid-Rite on their quest for a taste of their past!

I found an interesting article in the local newspaper about the restaurant, highlighting the current owner and the previous ownership of the beloved institution. Also visit the Maid-Rite corporate website which gives some interesting history behind the Maid-Rite franchise.

If you ever have a chance to visit a Maid-Rite restaurant, especially the one in Christopher, Illinois, jump at it...it's a piece of Americana that is seldom seen today!

A Penny for Your Thoughts...

Sweet Mae...I found this precious photo on a blog that provides vintage pix (forgive me I can't remember which blog) and was touched by her sweetness. The photo was identified simply as "Mae." Who is this little darling and what is she thinking? She has a sad look in her eyes that touches me. I know someone cares about her as evident by the pretty flowers in her carefully curled hair. I want to talk to Mae and make her smile, but she seems to look right through me to the source of her secret. I will never know who this dolly is and that is the magic of it. She can be anyone I want her to be. I want her to be happy.

Sweet Mae...I hope all of your dreams came true...

Colour Your Soul

I love to laugh and find humor in the craziest places. I’m “eclectic” and I like it that way. It makes life extremely interesting and adventurous.

I’m at peace within my soul and I have a love of people. I believe that unless you have walked in the shoes of someone, (and even if you have) you cannot judge that person. Judgmental people bother me. I love to experience people and endeavor to give as much or more joy to others as I receive.

You Don't Always Get What You Want...

I grew up believing if you try hard enough things will work out, one way or another. This is a belief that has been tested by my life. I’ve had to adjust this belief, because the truth is that sometimes things are completely out of my control and sometimes things just don’t work out the way I wish them to. But…I also believe that God has a plan, a good plan for my life and even if things don’t work out the way I plan, He has a higher plan and things will ultimately work out in a way that I never expected. I have learned that I don’t have all of the answers, but at the same time sometimes I have answers right in front of me and I don’t see them.

It is what it is...

A photograph taken during a moment in time...Our last family photo was taken at my son Christopher's graduation in 2002. Since then many pictures have been taken, but none with all of us together.

Seven years later...time has healed some hurts, but time has not erased the love I have for the father of my children. I made a promise in 1980. For better or worse...to be faithful...I took the promise seriously...he didn't. We move on and learn to live with the regrets. Our lives change and we accept the changes. He will always have a special place in my heart. He is the father of my children...

A photograph taken during a moment in time...

My Grammie

I miss Grammie. She was a real lady and always had unconditional love for all of her grandchildren. She was fun and loved to go places and do things. I grew up next door to her and worked on her and my grandpa's dairy farm. All of my friends knew her as "Grammie." I am the oldest grandchild (she only had 4) so I knew her longest. We really had a thing going about the soap opera Days of Our Lives. She watched that soap from the beginning and got me hooked when I was in high school in the 1970's. I would watch it every day I could between work and college and the days I missed, Gram would give me the run down report. In the early 1980's when VCR's came on the scene, I was in seventh heaven! No more missed Days!

Gram never missed "her story" until the last year of her life when it became too difficult for her to follow the stories on TV. Even then she liked to visit with me about the show. She always called it our "story." Gram's life story ended in April 2006. She died peacefully at home surrounded by her family. My aunt, mom and I sang Gospel songs as she was taking her final breaths. Soon she was still. Grammie was in heaven...

If You Never Try...You'll Never Know... Just What You're Worth

Beautiful day in May in the Pacific Northwest! The sun brings clarity and time to clean out the cobwebs in the mind...Today I promise to remember to be part of the solution and not part of the problem in life's "situations." There is nothing so certain as change and everyday brings new experiences, problems and opportunities. In the past I have balked at change...I like my comfort zone. Then a time came when I had no comfort zone and I had to learn to live on the fly, without a net. After many missteps and regrets, I had to learn to let it go and move forward. Too much time looking back leaves one not enough time to see what now brings. I don't want to miss anything. I'm moving forward...

My Mommy and Her Brother

This is a special one. Last summer a friend and I went on an awesome vacation trip with my parents to Tennessee and the Smoky Mountains. We had a great week and were preparing to travel on to Nashville and other great destinations. A late night phone call changed all of our plans. My mom's only sibling, my uncle had died suddenly back home in Oregon. He was only 66 years old. Through the confusion and grief, we changed our flights and returned home to plan a funeral.

My mom and her brother grew up on a dairy farm and their only family "vacation" was the four days of the local County Fair. They worked on the farm and saved their pennies all year for the fair. As they worked they dreamed of the rides they would ride and the goodies they would eat. I created this collage picturing them in their youth and entered it as a courtesy exhibit at the same County Fair that they always attended. It's a "magical" County Fair...I go every year and now my grown children go every year. And yes...my mom at age 71 still goes every year to the Tillamook County Fair, in Tillamook, Oregon.

Something for a Saturday

Such a sassy cowgirl! She's rootin' tootin' brassy and loves to be the center of attention! Maybe secretly she's a bit like me? I'll never tell. I had fun creating this one. Add a cutie pie vintage cowgirl, throw in a western comic book cover and play with other textures and viola...you have a bust 'em up digital collage! This one made the perfect gift for a friends new tack room wall! Yee-haw!

My Baby

Andy Warhol inspired design of my daughter. Fun way to highlight special portrait style photos.

Hello Trouble

I had a blast doing this project. I let myself wander and thought of a girl who probably lived in single-wides all of her life and frequented the road-side motels of old Route 66. She's a tough cookie and has "been there...done that." She knows she has the goods and knows how to use them. But who is she inside? Does she have a family? Is it all a put-on? What do you think?

She Will Go Far

Little red coat and tiny red shoes. Her hair combed and curled by a mommy who loved her. She stands by her red trike so proudly. She doesn't know that there will be days when she will cry and feel alone. She only knows what is. A sunny day to ride her trike.

The days unfold and show their colors. I pray for a rainbow...

I think I'm Finally Satisfied

OK...this blog thing has cost me a lot of sleep this week. I think I've finally decided on the right background. I'm a designer and I should have designed my own, right? Wrong! This blog is supposed to be separate from my job and is supposed to be for me to say what I want to say without stressing over work. So I've searched for the right background and found it. I want to be able to change quickly when I feel like it and not spend my own time designing the blog area.

Kind of like a cook that doesn't want to cook dinner, they want to go out to dinner...

Enough obsessing over the blog. I'm ready to go and am excited to be able to start posting!

It Might Be Spring

Ok...I'm obsessing. There. I said it. Half the battle is to admit, right? It's late and I have to work tomorrow and I should be in bed. Instead I'm working on this little piece of "internet heaven" and trying to make it look decent. I need to let it go. So I will...but before I do...

Beautiful day in the Pacific Northwest. Best day of the year so far. Warm and blue skies...it may rain here a lot and we have tons of grey days, but when it's nice it's gorgeous! The green trees and the growing grass stand out against the bright yellow daffodils growing in the field. Tonight the frogs are singing and it feels like summer. But I'm too smart to be fooled, yes I am...I'm suspecting we will have some more colder weather before it slips into May weather.

The horses are losing their winter coats...they need to be brushed. One thing at a time...I've got to get some sleep!
Dreaming of warm sun and a comfortable lawn chair...

Happy Birthday, Baby!

A Happy Birthday Wish for the father of my two great kids.

"We've seen some good times, been through some bad.
But somewhere between the laughter and the tears
we sure had a lot of great years.
We didn't need fortune we didn't need fame
just a little shelter from the rain.
I didn't need a castle made of stone
all I ever needed was you."
We both made major mistakes in our relationship and I have many regrets, but in spite of all, you hold a special place in my heart. Through my journey of healing due to the sweet grace of God, I have learned to love and forgive...myself and you.

Even though we both have went on in different directions, who knows...life has been known to take crazy turns...see ya around...

So here's to you, Baby...31 years later and still as handsome as you were in that summer of 1978. What a summer...EVERYTHING was good!

Clarity

The time for confusion has passed. There is a new sense of purpose and clarity that is growing in my soul. Decisions are being pondered about and some ideas are rolling around. Everything is being thought of in a positive light. Ways to rectify past mistakes and poor habits. Every day is a new day and another chance to get it right, if not better.

I'm ready for tomorrow and the brightness it will bring. I will keep my soul soft and let myself shine.

Spring Break Bummer

Ok...I am trying to be positive and there is always two sides to a story...I work at a high school. I adore my job. Spring Break was here! Wow! Perk of working for the schools. 1.5 weeks off to chill and work at my "other job" as a freelance graphic designer. I had awesome jobs lined up and was looking forward to creating and making some serious cash. Except there was a glitch to my plan.

Plans...don't they say "plans are ALWAYS subject to change?" After fighting illness off and on for 2 months (amazing how you catch things in the cesspool of a school building) Well...I have just spent my entire Spring Break sick. That's sicker than a dog...that's "hope this never happens again" sick. That's "feel sorry for yourself sick." That's emergency room Saturday night sick...and the one thing I've found is that doctors are much too quick at "diagnosing." A patronizing "you've got the "bug" didn't cut it for me. After 2 trips to the doctor (which is NOT like me...but when you're desperate...) the third trip was a charm. Finally I saw my doctor who had been gone for the week (enjoying Spring Break...grrr) on Friday. After being validated and diagnosed with severe bronchitis with asthmatic symptoms (amazing how you can't concentrate or work when you can't empty your lungs properly) he prescribed meds that kicked in by Friday night. I'm going to live!!! Now only if that ER doctor would have really listened to me a week ago Saturday...

So...as usual, I ask myself the question: what is this suppose to teach me? On one hand... major bummer that my Spring Break was basically non-productive. OK...I'll be honest..."basically is a delusional word for me. I didn't get squat done other than washing some dishes on Wed and staring at the computer screen on Thurs. I'm staring at the unaccomplished, lofty goals that I set for myself for this magical time of Spring Break. Before Break=unorganized. After Break=perfect organization. I might still be feverish...I think I'm losing it!

On the other hand, I didn't have to use any sick leave and didn't have to miss any work and the weather was crummy and wet, so I really didn't miss out on much. I think I might have talked myself talked into being OK with it. Yeah right!

The best thing that came out of this is the fact that I have realized that I cannot do it all. I have to simplify and cut back. Even though I'm almost finished with college and my BA is within reach, it will still be there next fall. I'm taking a much needed break and cutting myself some slack. No full time college this spring. Just work full time and a half at two jobs. I'm leaving myself some time to be creative and enjoy the life. The spinning weekends of papers to write and textbooks to read will wait. I want to take a deep breath (as soon as my bronchitis clears up anyway), exhale (without coughing my head off) and see my life for what is always has been. Not perfect, but good. I'm ready to make some long due changes and concentrate on what I know I am and do what I want to do instead of what I think I should do. I'm "such a good girl" anyway. Yeah right.

Time to take a nap...

It All Adds Up

There have been tears and brokeness in my life, but I believe that brokeness and tears can lead to a healing that results in a tender heart. I am thankful for all of the “brokenness” I have had in my life. I’m thankful that I was somehow able to hang on and get through the darkness. It has made me the person I am today. It has made me a more compassionate and loving person, a better friend and a better me. I also believe that the struggles in life can work for you because then you discover that you can do things that you never realized you could do! The struggles humble and empower you at the same time and experiencing that mix of humbleness and power is amazing!

It’s all good…

If Wishes Were Horses...I'd Have a Ranch...Lucinda Williams

Saturday in March. Warm weather brings thoughts and hopes of winter’s end. Grass growing, smells wonderful. Brave Girl is pondering all of the jobs that need to be done. Brave Girl is a frustrated perfectionist. She wants to be perfect, but is rational enough to know that perfection is an unhealthy pursuit. Brave Girl’s best is the goal. Baby steps, one at a time, this is the path to completeness. Brave Girl is working on loving herself and cutting herself some slack.

Appreciate life, Brave Girl. Life waits for no one.