Such A Brave Girl

It was a Dark and Stormy Night...

2012-01-24T17:25:00.000-08:00

About got blown off the road driving home tonight. The rain was falling sideways and the highway was coated with standing water. It's January on the Oregon Coast. We are making up for the dry December we had. Evenings like this call for an early bedtime and a good book, or maybe a movie. Hmmm...dinner and a movie. Homestyle.

It's just another night on the Oregon Coast.

Living w/The Parents Chapter One

2012-01-22T09:17:00.000-08:00

I live with my parents. I married at age nineteen, had two children by age 29, was divorced at age 42. After my single parent stage of raising my kids and a cold turn of the economy, I am back “home.” Living with the parents. All two of them. Mom and Dad. I am the child. The child that lives at home. With the parents. I tell myself that I live in a cool “studio” apartment, with my familiar belongings surrounding me. My bed, chair, office, a few knick knacks and pictures, all efficiently placed according to the church of Ikea. In reality I live in my parents family room that used to be a double car garage. I think I won’t dwell upon reality because a studio apartment sounds way more hip than, “Hey, I live in my parent’s garage.”

Don’t get me wrong. I am very thankful to be able to live at my parents. I needed a place to live and they invited me in. It’s not easy for them either. In fact, I think I might be able to write a book about it. I’m gathering material. Some starters:

Nazi Soup

My dad made soup for dinner. It was delicious. Just as I requested, no tomatoes, just beefy hamburger/vegetable soup. Yum. Now when Dad makes something, he expects a critique. He expects you to let him know how much you like it. For example, his specialty is spaghetti. He makes good spaghetti. But lately he has been boasting that every batch is “the best he’s ever made.” So back to the soup. Well, this soup was tasty, but it didn’t have enough veggies in it. A bit too much broth, not enough substance. The next morning I was ladeling some up to take with me work and he mentioned that he was going to add some more veggies. I told him, “Yeah, you better because it’s like Nazi Soup. You know, from the Seinfeld show, the soup that had nothing in it but broth?”

Well, meaning absolutely no disrespect by mentioning the Nazis, I effectively illustrated the problem with the soup. Not enough in it.

By the way, when I got “home” from work today, he told me that there was some Nazi Soup on the stove…with more vegetables.

Ashes to Ashes

2011-12-26T20:18:00.000-08:00

Traditional day after Christmas burning of the paper and boxes. In addition to the “festive garbage” I decided to burn some of my boxes of documents that I have had in storage for eight years. Copies of checks…statements…old bill receipts…all for Fawcett Creek Farm. My ex-husband and I used to own a dairy called Fawcett Creek Farm. I have kept the papers for all of these years, responsible to the guidelines for retaining documents schedule. I did the right thing. I carried through.

I thought it would be simple…throw the papers on the bonfire and poof…they would be gone. What I wasn’t prepared for was the rush of emotion all of those snippets of paper caused. I found bits and pieces of memories; old Christmas cards that had made their way into the financial boxes. Old contracts and promises. Pieces of our life when there was an “us” and a testament to years of hard work and hopeless dreams. I had to see those papers. I was left to burn them to keep them from prying eyes and identity thieves. I had to do the clean up. Destroy everything that said both of our names on it. I should have dropped off the boxes on HIS front porch, but I didn’t trust him to destroy them properly. I had to spend two hours reliving the new Honda 4trax we bought our son and paid for. The receipts for the milk that we shipped to the creamery. He should have had to relive those pieces of the past that needed to be erased. Instead it was as it has always been…he got off easy. He just walked over people and walked away. Just start over without a care or thought of the past. Simply a selfish man, who fooled so many for so long.

I watched all of the documents burn and raked and turned over that pile of papers again and again to make sure it all burned. It did…and I felt good…satisfied when it was all over. I felt a bit smug and powerful as I tossed it all away and watched the pieces disappear into bits of floating ash. I controlled the fire and decided when and where to destroy the evidence of our past. Should have did this years ago, but it wasn’t the right time. Now was the time.

The flames died and the ashes were raked into the earth. I got into my truck and drove away.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-26T19:22:00.000-08:00

Reaanne, Christopher, Chad, Eddie and Lesley...Christmas 2011

Ok…so I’ve been very negligent in blogging. My resolution is to be more faithful in offering my two-cents worth and blog more. So here it goes…

Since I wrote last, I have moved from my little house into my parent’s home up the road. I have (what I call it) a studio apartment that used to be the family room. I have my own entrance and bathroom, so it is quite the adventure of adjustment. Thanks to divider bookcases at Ikea, I have a bedroom area, living area and an office area. Only what is strictly necessary made the move with me and the rest is back into storage. Last summer I had made it my goal to clear out and get rid of my storage unit and I did. Then a few weeks later, my brother and his wife decided I had to move from the little house, so back into storage my things went. What’s a plan, right? Due to the economy and price of rent, my single salary doesn’t go far enough for local rent rates, so the parents “made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.” I seem to have come full circle…eight years ago, after the divorce, my daughter Lesley and I stayed in this very “studio” while we organized and found a place to live. Here I am back. I am thankful that I have a place to go. It makes you appreciate things and it helps a person to understand that what you have doesn’t matter; it’s how you treat people and how you show kindness and love. Too bad everyone doesn’t know that. Enough about that.

Christmas 2011 has come and gone. I have a miniature tree on my bookcase and my collections of Santas and snowmen are perched on the piano and bookcase, respectively. So even though space is tight, it does feel like Christmas in my room, surrounded by a few of my favorite decorations. My other decorations will live in their boxes until the time I have more room.

My two children, Chris (and his girlfriend, Reaanne) and Lesley (and her boyfriend, Chad) outdid themselves in the thoughtfulness department and presented me with awesome gifts. Slippers, a massage gift certificate (have to remember to make the appointment!) and a special music box selected by Chris (he even wrapped it himself and I don't think he has ever did that before!). I have to admit, the music box brought some tears to my eyes as it has a beautiful verse about mothers on the top and it opens to play the song, “You Can Always Count On Me.” I am so thankful for them and my new little grandson, Eddie, born to Lesley and Chad in November. He is a keeper, that’s for sure.

Speaking of Eddie…Edward Joseph Wilson was born on November 7. Edward is a family name and was the name of his daddy’s grandpa. Joseph is Lesley’s dad’s middle name. He is a blessing and being grandma rocks! As I look at Eddie, I am drawn into a time warp because it seems as though it was just yesterday when Chris and Lesley were babies. The years have careened by and all of the memories a person vows to keep become hazy blurs. I guess that way it forces us to appreciate each moment because moments will never be as clear as they are at the time they happen.

I’ve enjoyed being on Christmas Break from work. Ah…the life of a school employee. I’m storing up my moments of rest, because when I return to work in January we will be preparing for our annual Charity Drive and I will get no rest at all, since I am a Junior Class advisor. It will be meetings, preparation and planning, in addition to the normal daily work routine. Charity Drive isn’t until February, but a ton of planning precedes the event, that is for sure! I wrote about Charity Drive last year, so you can look up one of my past entries for explanation.

Enough for now. I have a movie to watch and a couch calling my name.

Summertime...Sweet Summertime

2011-06-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

Reminds me of a Bob Seeger song, Night Moves. Summertime. This is starting out to be the type of summer that requires one to be very flexible and "go with the flow." Thought I had a part time job all sewn up and received a call an hour before I was to report to work telling me that they might not be busy enough to need me. Talk about shock! As I work for the school district, I have a two month break and no pay check. So after a day of feeling sorry for myself, I pulled myself up and got to work making contacts with prospective clients for my freelance graphic design business, FoxHurliman Graphic Design. I am happy to say that I have a few projects now lined up and hopefully more will follow. God is faithful and when a door is closed, another will open. True that.

I'm cleaning out my storage unit. Moved almost all of my belongings there seven years ago when I got divorced. Decided it was more than time to go through everything and keep, give away, discard, you know the drill. It's been fun and worth the work as I have found a lot of memories in there.

One sweet memory I found was my journal from my freshman year of high school that I kept for English class. What a read! The funny thing is, I work at a high school and when the freshmen arrive each fall, they look and act so young. Reading through the journal, I rediscovered that I too, was young and inexperienced in ways I had forgotten such as the way I wrote and the words I chose. Even more magical are the ways that I am the same. I can see the "me now" in the words I wrote. The drama and the humor that I carry with me were there all along. The sentimentality and the way I looked at life when I was fourteen can be seen in bits and pieces 30 plus years later. Even after years of living and times of broken hearts, the same hopefulness and positive attitude of that fourteen year old remain.
Like looking back through veiled time, the images of those times gradually unlock themselves from the recesses of my brain and I can see the faces of the friends that I cared for and the boyfriend that is no longer alive. Bittersweet, yet part of a passionate life that has been well-lived.

My life...

A Pickup and a Trailer

2011-03-06T17:06:00.000-08:00

Today I went with my daughter, Lesley to her horse trainer's place in Dallas. We hauled her new horse, Cash, and dropped him off for a few weeks of schooling. There's nothing I love more than to travel with Lesley and her horses. It's our time to talk and catch up. Lesley is 22 now, which is unbelievable because I swear I only blinked once and she was grown up. I had hoped to get my son, Chris, to go with us, but it was last minute and he had plans.

Simple things are my style. I love to spend time with those I love. Don't have to do anything exciting, just traveling down the road towing the horse trailer will do.

It's a good day.

Proud to be a Cheesemaker!

2011-03-05T13:21:00.000-08:00

It's been an entire month since I have written. I have a good reason; last month was the annual Tillamook High School Charity Drive. It's ten crazy days of raising money for local charities and Doernbecher Children's Hospital in Portland, Oregon. Each class competes with one another to raise the most money. In order to receive donations, a service has to be provided, such as dinners, silent auctions, concessions at ball games, art camp for kids, car washes, donkey basketball, boxing events, you name it...it's done. At the end of the 10 days, the princess and prince from each class makes a grand entrance into the gym at a basketball game and the royalty of the class raising the most money is crowned Queen and King. It's a community-wide event and it's a big deal. This year the four classes raised over $172,000.00! This is from a community that is NOT wealthy. It's from a community that has a high unemployment rate and struggles financially.

I am a co-advisor for the class of 2013, the Sophomore Class. As an advisor, I began with this class last year when they were freshman and will "travel" with them until they graduate as seniors. Kara, my co-advisor and I work very hard to instill good values in our class. Last year the school raised over $136,000.00 and the freshman won, earning over $40,000.00 of that total. It is unheard of for the freshman to win, in fact I think the last time a freshman class won was in the 1980's. But this class did it and we are very proud of them.

Then came this year. How would they top last year? Was it possible? Kara and I were a bit worried about the possibility of meeting last years total, considering the harsh economic climate. But our student leadership was positive that they were going to raise at least the total of last year. We commenced to work our behinds off and when all was said and done, this remarkable class with wonderful parents, raised over $51,000.00 of the $172,000.00! Amazing it was! Unbelievable. The junior class was right behind us with over $50,000.00, the seniors with over $41,000.00 and the freshman with over $29,000.00! Over $80,000.00 was donated to Doernbecher Hospital and the rest will remain in Tillamook, awarded to local charities and college scholarships for Tillamook High School seniors. This was the 58th year for the charity drive and our grand total is now at over $1.9 million dollars! All from a little town on the northern Oregon Coast, Tillamook, OR.

Unfortunately, the charity drive doesn't receive much publicity in the metropolitan areas of Portland and Salem, Oregon. We have requested that news crews come and report on the giving, but alas, they seem to be too busy covering bad news to cover good news. Ironically, the news crews of Portland are "Johnny on the spot" when it floods or storms at the coast. Go figure...doesn't make sense to me.

One bright spot came this week from radio station KUIK in Hillsboro, Oregon. They called and interviewed the sophomore class charity drive student chairs about the charity drive. It was neat to know that people do care and notice the good that is being done in areas of our state.

They say, "It takes a village..." but in Tillamook, I believe it "Takes a High School." A school of dedicated, hard-working teenagers that have huge hearts and willing hands that make magic happen every year during the Charity Drive. The community of Tillamook High School is special. It is dedicated to serving and helping others.

I was born and raised in Tillamook. I graduated from this school and now work at this school. Before me, my mother graduated from this school and years after me, my two children became THS graduates. The hallways are full of memories and tradition for me and I get a sense of pride when I watch the students of today continue the activities that were started 58 years ago.

I love Tillamook High School...

Hearts and Affections

2011-02-06T22:38:00.000-08:00

So I'm preparing myself for another February 14. A day when everyone is supposed to have someone for a Valentine. The gooey, syrupy, sugary day of love. Bah Humbug. What about all of us singles? Yeah, I sound jaded, I know I do. OK. Enough self-pity. Sometimes love is bittersweet as in the following poem by Lord Byron, one of my favorite romantic poets.

When We Two Parted
by Lord Byron (1788 - 1824)

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever the years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder, thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk, chill on my brow,
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me...
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well..
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

Sun Rays

2011-01-30T18:17:00.000-08:00

In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary. ~Aaron Rose

I found this beautiful sight right out my front door. The clouds hid the December evening sun; the brightness sharply outlining the edges of the clouds. The rays of sunlight burst across the sky and honestly took my breath away. I drove up the road and picked up my mother because I simply had to share this view with someone. I had to have a witness to validate it in my memory.

I imagined that the heavens were behind the cloud and while we were not permitted to look directly at it, God provided the glorious rays as a testament to the beauty. I also thought of hope and faith; that the old saying, "behind every cloud there is a silver lining" was totally true. This photo illustrates the awe behind the clouds and the faith it takes to know that there is light behind the darkness.

This I believe...

Life and Cookies

2010-12-21T18:27:00.000-08:00

I’m baking Christmas cookies! This is a big deal why? Well, let’s just say in my “other life” I baked tons of cookies each Christmas time. I also baked with my much-loved Grammie. She taught me to make homemade frosting, pie and other yummy recipes. Grammie always had cookies in her freezer, ready at an instant to display on a plate to offer to anyone who stopped by.

Recently, I found a holiday tin with the words, “Peanut butter, 2001” taped to it. It brought back memories of helping Gram with her Christmas baking. Gram had shoulder surgery in the fall of 2001, and was unable to complete her usual baking, so I went shopping and made the lists of the traditional treats and spent a couple of long days in her kitchen. Gram directed from the table and I worked. She was able to frost cookies and I did all of the grunt work. We had fun, visiting and remembering times past. She told me about her youth in North Dakota on her family’s large farm. She told of snow and sleigh rides to church. She told of her older brothers and how they would always dump the sleigh in a snow bank, causing all of them to look like festive snowmen. She told me of how she loved to read before going to sleep at night and how her father would knock on her bedroom door and tell her to turn out her oil lamp. That brought back memories of me as a child, holding a flashlight under the covers to finish “just one more page.”

During Christmas of 2001, my life was going through many emotional changes. Working my way through a long divorce, smiles were hard to find. It was comforting to know that the time I spent with Grammie was “safe.” It was a place where you felt loved and I needed that then.

I honestly haven’t baked much since that Christmas. My heart was not in it and too many other things got in the way. Christmas became a time to put on a “game face” for my children and smile even when I felt like going to bed and pulling the covers over my head until the season was over. Baking reminded me of my old home and all of the busyness of being a mom and a wife. Funny how some things, like baking, in this instance, define a time and a place.

Well, this year I decided to get with it and make some family traditional cookies; snowballs, sugar cookies, molasses cookies, to name a few. Sometimes it’s the simple little things that can inspire you to forge ahead and make your way through. For me it was the little dented holiday tin with the masking tape label that read, “Peanut butter, 2001.”

I miss you, Grammie. With each cookie, I think of you.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2010-12-06T17:38:00.000-08:00

It’s a quiet Sunday evening. Preparing for Christmas and another workweek. Tired of doing that, so now for some bloggin’…

Do I have something wise to say? Some words to live by? Hmm…well, for all of you out there that are apprehensive at holiday time, I say, “Chill.”

Holidays bring out the best and the worst in people. My daughter was talking to me about my “annual holiday funk.” She told me that I needed to snap out of it and get with it. I explained that it is easier said than done. At holidays, especially Christmas, the world tells us its “family time.” Mom, dad, brother, sister, even the family dog should be wishing everyone peace on earth. For those of us that don’t have the typical family unit, it can be hard, especially if you are a perfectionist, someone who strives to get it right. It’s an adjusting of the senses and expectations. I always feel guilt at holiday time…I should have been able to keep the family together (yeah right), I should have a perfect house (in another life), I should be independently wealthy (threw that one in there…ha) and I should be Mother of the Year each and every year. Well…like a broken record that refuses to skip…it just keeps on repeating that same part over and over each December and I get trapped in the scheme. Gerbil in a wheel, anyone?

I think one just gets so used to feeling this way that when the holidays roll around a person goes in to auto mode and starts buying pity party supplies. I don’t know what it is about being the mother that makes a woman feel like it was their responsibility to raise the kids right and to be the keeper of the flame. Why do some dad’s get away with so much less? Why do some men skip out and become less of a parent and not lose one minute of sleep about it?

My kids are raised and have made it through some pretty twisted times. I have tons to be thankful for and believe me, I am VERY thankful. My kids are wonderfully human adults and I am so glad they are in my life. I have awesome friends and co-workers that are like family and I go to work each day with a smile, because I love my job. My soul is at peace with my Jesus and I know He guides my way. I’m a pretty blessed lady.

So…I think I’ve created a habit, because this is the 7^th Christmas I have been single. I think it’s time to put the holiday funk to rest, don’t you think? It’s getting old and I’m bored with it. So I’m officially resigning from the Mother of the Year running and I’m forming an “It is what it is and it’s all good” club.

It will save so much time. J

Thoughts on a Cold Thanksgiving Morning

2010-11-25T08:15:00.000-08:00

Note:
I have been away for far too long. Sometimes life is enough and it's too much trouble getting it down on paper (digital paper at least). But I made a promise to someone very special to me that I would begin writing again. So thanks, Cousin Alan for inspiring me to "get to it." I love you very much.

It’s 7:00 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. Today we are ordered by the date on the calendar to be thankful. Visions of a traditional table, laden with a perfectly browned turkey and all of the delicious dishes that accompany…oh yes…and the perfect pies (homemade, of course). All of the family is there, no chair is empty and all are smiling and everyone is happy to be there, just like the famous Norman Rockwell painting shown above.

Does your life measure up to this expectation of perfection? Mine does not and to be honest, I don’t know of many lives that do. We all have “issues” within our lives and holidays seem to bring those issues out of the dark and into the glaring light.

Some have lost loved ones to death or divorce and the empty chair will once again remind them of the loss. As they try to hold back their tears and the turkey turns to sawdust in their mouth, their hearts break all over again for the missing loved one. Dreams, plans and expectations are wiped away and replaced by a new reality that is in direct conflict with society’s mandate for a “happy holiday.”

Another newsflash: Not everyone plays fair. Siblings and relatives grow up and relationships get…uh…complicated. Not all families are united in the game called Life. Another wrench in the quest for the perfect holiday.

So you see…it can seem pretty overwhelming and well…at times even depressing. Why bother, you might say. The good news is that there is a way to be thankful…really truly thankful in spite of feelings. Learn this truth: Feelings are fleeting and can be pretty wacky. They change, they can deceive, they can cause us to go crazy and at other times they can cause us to feel exhilarated and so happy we could “just bust.” The secret is to get yourself some faith. Faith that God means it when He says that He has a plan for you and that it is a good plan. That He means it when He says that he counts your tears and knows your heartbreak. He will hold you in the palm of His hand and will keep you all of the days of your life. No…He does NOT say we won’t have dark times and “feel” like we are sinking, but He DOES say that He will be there with us and take us through those times and if you “decide” to trust Him, your feelings will follow your decision. Feelings depend upon outward circumstances. They change according to what’s going on in our emotional lives. On the other hand, joy depends upon God and our decision to trust Him with our lives.

Sounds easy? NOT! We are human and even when you are trusting God, you might still “feel” afraid, alone and vulnerable. That’s ok, because God understands the way we tick. He knows that we are only human. But be comforted because you know that feelings pass and that the joy in your heart does not pass because it is based upon the One who NEVER changes.

So…today, when you go through Thanksgiving…if you are “feeling” down or desperate, reach out to someone else. Because we all are in this game of Life together and reaching out to someone else is the best way to take focus off of ourselves and spread the joy around. Kind of a “pay it forward” way to look at things. It’s good for the soul.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Little Egypt

2010-06-22T17:30:00.001-07:00

Southern Illinois...Little Egypt they call it. Different from the rest of the State of Illinois. Very southern in speech, foods and traditions. Most of the folks here are descendants of pioneers that migrated north from Tennessee, Kentucky and Georgia in search of fertile farmland and homesteads. They brought with them their southern traditions and ways of living that have traveled down through the generations. My dad is one of these people. He says "karn" instead of "corn" and "tarlit" instead of "toilet." In fact, I have been accused by some of slipping into a hillbilly tone when I'm excited or tired (that's "tarred." :)

Back to why they call the region "Little Egypt." The southern part of Illinois is very fertile farmland, wedged between two great rivers; the Mississippi River on the west and the Ohio River on the east. In the 1800's there was a drought in the northern/central part of Illinois and food was scarce. However, Southern Illinois farmers were blessed with successful crops, so people from the north traveled south to buy food, just as Jacob's family traveled to Egypt in Bible times to get food from their brother, Joseph. This is when the region began to be known as Little Egypt.

The path my ancestors took to Southern Illinois began in the Carolina's, then on to Georgia, then Central Tennessee (the Nashville area) then to Saline County, Illinois. My dad's family settled in Franklin County in a small town named Christopher, Illinois.

When I was a child, the family farm on Parker Street just north of Christopher was our annual summer vacation destination. We would leave the cool Pacific Northwest and drive for 3.5 days to Illinois. When we reached our destination, I remember the pungent smell of the warm, humid Illinois air, the music of crickets and the evening sight of lightning bugs. Everything seemed different than I was used to, and it was. I was used to the crispness of the marine air and the chill of dewy mornings and evenings. Everything in Southern Illinois seemed older and more "down home." It is older, there is many more years of history here compared to the West.

For several years I was unable to make the trip to Southern Illinois. I was busy raising my children and running a farm. Now my children are grown and I am able to make the trip with my parents. I have had the opportunity to sit with my father and hear stories about his childhood and young manhood days. I have discovered things about our family that enable me to see my father in a clearer way.

We will be here for a few more days, then on to Tennessee. In the meantime I will etch the vision of the small towns and forgotten buildings that hold stories that will never be told. I will visit the places I experienced as a child and commit them to my mind's eye. I will laugh at the lightning bugs and watch out for snakes. I will photograph the moments that inspire me and regret the moments I did not catch. I will enjoy my vacation and file away another years worth of memories.

Then I will come home...

Parker Street

2010-06-22T17:20:00.000-07:00

A view down Parker Street in Mulkeytown, Illinois. Looking east toward the farm that was my dad's home.

Digging Through...and Other Odd Subjects

2010-05-15T18:11:00.000-07:00

There's a song I heard on the radio as I was driving to work on Thursday. It's called, "I'm Forgiven." When I heard the words, "I don’t have to carry the weight of who I’ve been cause I’m forgiven" I knew there was a reason I had turned on the radio to at that moment in time. I'm one of those types that are very hard on myself. I always believe I could have done better or should be doing more and sometimes, that gets very defeating and tiresome. I'm not the same person I was seven years ago and I have to accept the fact that I can't right all of the wrongs and I can't take all of the hurtful words and actions back. I can only ask for forgiveness and more importantly, forgive myself. Regret seems to weigh me down and I am tired of carrying that burden.

Looking forward, I promise myself that I will do what I can and that will be ok. I deserve to love myself and when the past wafts through my mind, I will appreciate all that was good and learn from the parts that were regretful. Where I thought I was going seven years ago is not where I am now. Life took a detour and brought me to today and you know, it is all good. Through the days of feeling rejected and homesick for my "old life" I somehow made it through the dark days and silent nights of loneliness. Bitterness did not defeat me, although there are moments when I am angry at the unfairness of life. I like to think it's "righteous anger" (and I'm sticking to that belief!) I have my time at the "pity party with attendance of one" and then try to gather my feelings and go forward.

Strength courage and wisdom cannot be purchased, it must be developed from all that life brings. I have a job that I love and friends that are family. Not everyone can say that, and I know that I am blessed. There is something to be said for those that carry on and keep taking the baby steps forward. Who cares if you take a few steps backward at times? As my dear friend, Susan says, "There is no timeline." That is so true. When it comes to matters of the heart, there are no time lines. Thank God!

If you know me, you know I have been talking about "life after divorce." It's true what they say that "divorce is like a death" and somehow my life has taken a "before" and "after" pattern. Before divorce, or as I call it, "my old life" was full of raising my much loved children and trying to be a good wife. I had my identity as wife and mother. After divorce, or my "now life" I have raised my children and I am learning to appreciate my own identity as simply ME. To be truthful, there is nothing "simple" about it. Everyday different...everyday good...sometimes you have to look long and hard for the goodness, but it's there. This I choose to believe.

Little Girl

2010-04-13T19:36:00.000-07:00

From the past...a little girl with blond curls, a smart red jacket and red plaid tennis shoes. She's a sweetie pie and only knows happy days. Who is she and where did she go?

The years go by and she grows older. She marries, she has a family. She dreams and deals with life. She makes mistakes, learns from them and moves on. She has her heart broken by those closest to her. Those she puts on pedestals fall and crash. People leave...friends come and go...She learns, she cries, she laughs she tells great stories. She's faithful and a good friend. She's a dreamer and a poet. She's a rocker and a roller. She's fun, yet can be cautious. She looks back a few too many times and it bites her in the rear. She finds she cannot fix everything. She cannot solve all of the rhymes she can't find all of the reasons.

She adores her children. They carry the best of her heart. She has regrets and misgivings, but offsets those with a sense of hope and promise.

She is me.

Monday Night Muse

2010-04-05T21:15:00.000-07:00

Monday night...a rainy, windy Monday night. I'm sitting at my dining table working on a graphic design job and decided it's time to quit for the day. The house is quiet. I'm getting used to not having T.V. any longer. Decided to save some bucks and also save some time and dropped T.V. service after Christmas. So far so good. I watch Netflix movies online, catch my favorite T.V. shows (Cougar Town, Modern Family & 30 Rock) on hulu.com, so still have entertainment options. Also have the DVD player and T.V., so movies are the menu. It's not that bad...I can always go up the road to my mom's and watch the tube up there.

Ok...can you tell I'm stressin' a bit about not having T.V.? It's like a drug and I'm in recovery :).

Thought...do you know anyone that is just plain mean? I'm talkin' to the bone, angry, bitter and a master (or mistress) of holding a grudge? I do...and I actually feel pity for them...they know who they are. I'm stepping aside and letting God deal with them. I don't need their negativity in my life and I am bound and determined not to let their dark vibes poison my life. It's too bad, relationships that are broken are sad. Think about it...

Enough rambling...Keep your smile sweet and remember to laugh...

Birthday

2010-03-29T21:41:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, March 30 is my kid's dad's birthday. Rick will be...hmmm...let's see...53 years old. In this picture, he is 26, the same age as our son, Chris, who he is holding. Chris is one week old, just a little guy. From the way Rick is dressed, it appears he had just gotten home from work at Safeway, where he was the assistant manager.

The years roll by, people change...sometimes it's too bad.

Happy Birthday, Rick. You'll always be older than me...

Bon Jovi Boys

2010-03-27T16:09:00.000-07:00

My "virtual" boyfriends...Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora. Two extremely hot and attractive men that can really rock. I discovered a "new to me" song of Bon Jovi;
A Seat Next to You and it is so sweet. Here's some of the lyrics:

Long slow drive down an old dirt road
You've got your hand out the window, listening to the radio
That's where I wanna be...

On an old park bench in the middle of December
Cold hard rain fallin', can't find no cover
That would be alright with me...

Hard days, good times, blue skies, dark nights
Baby, I want you to take me ... wherever you're going to
Maybe say that you'll save me ... a seat next to you

In the corner booth of a downtown bar, with your head on my shoulder
Smokin' on a cheap cigar...that would be alright with me
In the back row of a movie or a cross-town train
I wanna hear your voice whispering my name...that's where I wanna be

Hard days, good times, blue skies, dark nights
Baby, say that you'll take me ... wherever you're going to
Maybe say that you'll save me ... a seat next to you

Life is like a ferris wheel, spinnin' around
When you get to the top it's hard to look down
Just hang on ... we'll make it through
Save me ... a seat next to you

When you get to the gates and the angels sing
Go to that place where the church bells ring
You know I'll come runnin' ... runnin' to find you

Baby, say that you'll take me ... wherever you're going to
Maybe I want you to save me ... a seat next to you

Now if that isn't one of the most sweet set of lyrics, I don't know. But Jon and Richie can sing this one to me any old time!

Cannon Beach

2010-03-25T23:47:00.001-07:00

Spring Break 2010 is flying by. I've taken some enjoyable day trips this week. Monday I went to Portland with a friend. We parked at 185th Avenue and rode the MAX downtown to Pioneer Square. Went to a movie and lunch and hit some art stores.

Tuesday went to McMinnville to the holy grail of hillbilly shopping, Walmart and the Dollar Tree. Yaw Hoo!

Today, a friend and I went to Cannon Beach. I haven't been there in years. Seems like I always pass it by on my way to Seaside or Astoria. We toured the art galleries and had lunch at the Lumberyard, a really nice logging theme restaurant. I had the best martini in the world, the White Chocolate Mochatini. Yum! White Godiva, Vanilla Vodka and Kaluha within a chocolate rimmed glass. Pretty and sweet and now my favorite new drink.Today was topped off by a dinner with friends and a great movie. Good times.

It's back to work on a graphic design job tomorrow. Can't be all play this week.

Enjoy Spring...it's here and color is busting out all over!

Grandpa George

2010-03-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

Grandpa George & Chris on Christopher's first birthday, 1984

My kid's Grandpa George...active, talkative, funny, smart (he can fix anything) and a very hard worker. He's in the hospital after a farm accident and is not used to being cooped up. I was married to his oldest son, Rick for over 20 years and there definitely is a soft spot in my heart for him and his dad. Our two kids, Chris and Lesley love Grandpa George and everyone is praying for a speedy recovery.

Thanks Grandpa George for being such a good grandpa to my children. I sincerely wish you well and you are in my prayers. Here's to you, George...

George winning one of his many Pig N Ford trophies

He loves his horses!

George with baby Rick, 1957

A Fine Friday Night

2010-03-05T17:32:00.000-08:00

Friday after work. A time to let out a big sigh and look forward to the weekend. I remember when I was young and in school, I loved Friday night because there were still two days to look forward to. I remember the bittersweet feeling of a Sunday afternoon when thoughts of Monday began creeping into my brain.

Fast forward to Friday night of now. A time to crash on the couch and stare at the wall while trying to slow down my mind from the hustle of the workday. A time to fall asleep early without the pressure of the alarm clock. Boy how times have changed. No going out on a Friday night. Only staying in and regrouping.

Maybe I'll watch a movie...if I can stay awake.

Happy Friday!

Mom & Dad

2010-01-20T18:56:00.000-08:00

My mom and dad celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary on November 5, 2009. Fifty years is a long time...my parents have stuck it out and although life hasn't been pretty at times, it has been constant. There is something to be said of "sticking it out." I should know. I was divorced after 23 years of marriage and will never celebrate a 50th anniversary.

Yeah...I believe it's better to hang in there and roll with the years...

Winter Days

2010-01-20T18:40:00.000-08:00

It's the midst of winter and it's wet on the Oregon Coast! I hope we get a bit of sunshine in February. Who am I to complain though? Compared to the people of Haiti, we are tremendously blessed. It breaks my heart to see all of the pain that those people are experiencing. We have no idea really.

I'm a class advisor with two other co-workers for the Freshman class at Tillamook High School. Every year we have a huge Charity Drive. For 10 days life will be crazy with dinners, auctions, and other fundraisers as our school usually raises about $100,000 for charity. That's a lot of money for a small town of 4400 in an economically depressed area. But somehow, miraculous, really, the generous community members rally and donate to the drive. The monies are shared between many good and deserving causes.

I plan to be much more active in my blog. I don't want to "peter out" and let this blog die a quiet death. No...it will flourish and be a place to spill my heart as I probably say too much too often.

Let's see...words for the wise...hmm...how about this:

"I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death."
Leonardo da Vinci

It's Complicated

2009-12-28T19:43:00.001-08:00

I went to see the movie "It's Complicated" today. It's a great movie about divorced parents getting back together 10 years post divorce for an affair. Reminded me of my life...not the affair part, but the "dealing with divorce" part. This couple has grown children that still are adjusting to their parent's divorce. It's true to life. And...Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin Rock! I love Alec Baldwin. He's one of my fav guys and I adore his acting and cuteness. Sweet!

It's a good movie that is honest and shows how one's decisions in life affect all of those around you. I think my ex-husband needs to see this flick! Something to think about...

Christmas

2009-12-25T17:29:00.001-08:00

The "Old Days" Chris & Lesley Christmas 1992

Chad & Chris

Lesley

Snowmen...

Tiny Tree...Perfect!

Christmas 2009 has come and now is going. Another year of memories and smiles with a few tears thrown in for good measure. All goes together to make us who we are. It was a beautiful sunny day on the Oregon Coast today. Up early to Mom's to unwrap gifts, then to my brother's for dinner. Home now for a quiet moment to reflect and then off to watch movies at Mom's.

I haven't been faithful in blogging lately. Somehow I just couldn't get to it. I have no idea why. It's just something inside that did not want to put the words on paper. I promise myself that I will be more faithful and update more often.

My two children, Chris and Lesley are the joys of my life. They have turned into two fine young people. Lesley's boyfriend, Chad is a fine young man and I am thankful for him in my daughter's life. Life has not always been so fine. My kids have had their ups and downs and it's been a long road, but with the years have come some maturity and they are my blessings. I love being with them and being a part of their lives.

Christmas Break is half over. I've spent the first half preparing for today and now I have another week off to relax and work on some art projects. I want to "play" with dominoes, polymer clay and design work. My goal is to create inventory for my new Etsy store site: Boxcar Annie. I'm also vowing to become more organized and have less baggage. I'm paring down and keeping what is really important to me and letting go of some of the things that no longer hold any use for me.

I hope your Christmas was special. It's never perfect...but it's all good. May God Bless You All!

Leavenworth Getaway

2009-09-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

The Cascade Mountains near the town of Leavenworth, Washington

Last winter I won a 3 night stay at a spa/hotel in Leavenworth, Washington. Leavenworth is an charming village at the eastern base of the Cascade Mountains. It's a German-themed town and a wonderful place to visit. In August, I "cashed in" my prize and took my best friend, Susan with me as her birthday present. We each took our daughters along too which made it the perfect girls' weekend getaway.

After driving 8 hours, we were ready to enjoy the pampering at Solstice Spa Hotel. This great boutique lodging has three plush rooms above a full service spa and retail salon. A very quiet and intimate setting, it's perfect for couples or like we did, a girls getaway. Our room had a fireplace, leather furniture, two plush queen beds and a bathroom that seemed larger than my house! From the spa breakfast of fruit juices, yummy spa cookies and Tillamook Yogurt, to the box of fine chocolates placed upon each bed every day, no detail was left undone.

We enjoyed great massage treatments from the Solstice staff and then melted back up to our rooms. We shopped till we dropped and enjoyed great food and fun in the charming town of Leavenworth. It's definitely a place to visit!

Discovery

2009-08-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

Ok...so I have lived all my life in the same small town. But...I have been in the city of Portland which is 75 miles away so many times it seems as though it's my second home. Traveling over Highway 6 through the Coast Range, driving the road from memory, knowing each little twist and turn. Watching the road, being safe, keeping those eyes on the road. Never once had I diverged from the road and been to U.S. Forest Service Jones Creek Campground. Yesterday I did.

A friend has been camping there this week (it's her first time there too) and asked me to join her for a day on the riverbank. When I turned off of Highway 6, I was blown away by the beautiful campground and facilities. Private, quiet sites with dappled sunlight filtering through the tall trees, made me want to immediately go home and get my tent! The day use area has easy to navigate steps down to the river and the water was wonderful. The river is quiet there and perfect for kids and families. Lazily floating on the river, I enjoyed the warm rays of the sun and good company. I hesitated to leave, the afternoon was perfect!

We couldn't believe that we didn't know how wonderful the place was! Always driving by, we never knew such relaxation and rejuvenation opportunities were available right off of the beaten path. It pays to pause and enjoy the moments of this crazy thing we call life...

It's Time

2009-08-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

It's time...almost time to return to work after a summer of adventures, travels and r & r. One more week before the school year begins and "early to bed...early to rise." I'm looking forward to another year of working with students, parents and reconnecting with my co-workers. The "little universe" that is high school is never dull and there is always something going on. I suppose that "something" could be called "drama." Yes...little bits of drama everyday when you are working with teenagers. But I wouldn't change it for all the time in the world. Watching young people grow into adults and learning to deal with "real life" is fascinating. It keeps me young and reminds me to take one day at a time.

But before school, there is one week...one week of summer vacation left. Unfinished chores that are on the "to do" list beckon me with guilt. I turn my head away from the list and listen to my heart that tells me that the jobs will wait, but the summer days will not. Deep breaths and warm sun are on my priority list this week. Time is of the essence and I will not waste it...so where is my lawn chair and bring me my ice tea...The lazy days of summer are here for me!

photo above is the tiny city park in Christopher, Illinois where my father grew up. I visited there in June with my parents.

Shadow Paths

2009-08-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

It is a beautiful day...warm and sunny, a perfect August afternoon. I am relishing the last two weeks of summer vacation and vow to remember the sweetness of the season. Life is good. In my daydreaming, I remember those who are going through life's sorrows, specifically the loss of loved ones. While I am enjoying the warmth and wonderful weather, there are those that are clinging to sanity while mourning the passing of cherished family. Everyone has their hurts and sometimes it is too easy to let those in pain pass by without offering a word, a touch or comfort. Why do we let them pass by? Sometimes we just don't know what to say, we don't know how to say it or we simply don't want to appear foolish and stupid by our lack of eloquence.

Let me be brave enough to appear foolish...let me be honest enough to share my failures, my misses with others if it will help them rise above their despair. I don't want empathy to ever leave my heart. I will try to take the path that points the way to honesty and loyalty...even though it may be in the shadows...

"It is impossible for one to live without tears who considers things exactly as they are."

Gregory of Nyssa, De Beatitudine

Pig N Ford at the Tillamook County Fair

2009-08-11T12:17:00.001-07:00

My son, Chris drives car 12 in the Pig N Ford races at the Tillamook County Fair. For those of you that have never heard of these "unique" races, check out the Pig N Ford website.

"In every race, each driver must first grab a 20-pound pig before cranking his engine, hopping into the T, and zooming around the track at speeds of up to 65 miles per hour. When he returns to the finish line, he must turn off the engine, return the pig to the correct numbered pen, grab another, and do it all over again. Twice. The first car back to the finish line is declared the winner. Strategy helps (particularly in the pig-exchange portion of the race, when drivers must decide where to park, to block or be blocked), but it’s mostly a mad, dusty dash, with humorous sound effects, that has delighted crowds for eight decades." (from Oregon Coast Today article 2006)

My son's father, Rick Hurliman began driving car 12 after purchasing it from his uncle, Francis Hurliman in the early 1980's. After much expense, we rebuilt the car using vintage parts and after a few years had a contender. Rick won a few championships on car 12, but after an accident in 1999 (he got kicked by the crank and severely injured his hand), decided to retire from driving. Chris has been racing the car for several years and has did a great job! This year the car had some mechanical issues and Rick and Chris, with the assistance of Chris' grandpa, George Hurliman, did their best to work the kinks out. The old car didn't cooperate and Chris was held out of the running for the championship. That's the way it goes with the vintage racers, sometimes they run like a top and sometimes they don't. That's part of the challenge and fun of Pig N Ford racing. There's always next year, Chris! I'll be there again rootin' you on!

Cowgirl Up!

2009-08-11T11:52:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things to do is to watch my daughter, Lesley barrel race. For many years I was a "Show Mom" and hauled the trailer to take her to horse shows where she rode Western and English. Her horse, Nevada was awesome for her and they shared many wins and awards. After Lesley graduated from high school she decided to make a change and go from the form of equitation to the speed of barrel racing. She purchased a young mare named Little Calico and is training her to race. In the meantime, Lesley has discovered that Nevada has the speed of a little stick of dynamite! Nevada has a lot of heart and is fast around the barrels. So Lesley is enjoying taking Nevada to some barrel shows and letting her "do her job" around the barrels. Of course, I love to tag a long and root them on. Great family time and awesome memories! Cowgirl UP!

Perfect Chicken Dinner: North or South?

2009-08-08T09:28:00.001-07:00

Top: Southern Fried Chicken Dinner (mashed potatoes/gravy, dumplins, sweet corn, green beans, cole slaw and homemade yeast rolls) served family style at Giant City Lodge in Giant City State Park in Southern Illinois.
Bottom: Northern Chicken Dinner

I wrote the following for my college Writing 121 class a few years ago. Funny what you can compare and contrast!

The Civil War, or the War Between the States as it is called south of the Mason-Dixon Line, is not over! There are countless subjects that “fire up” the heart of any true Southerner, and the quest for the perfect chicken dinner is one of them. There is definitely a “North and South” difference when it comes to a chicken dinner dining experience. While you might walk away from both dinners a bit stuffed, you typically will be stuffed full of entirely different foods.

Walk into any family restaurant in “Dixie” at suppertime and you will most likely be greeted with a cheerful, “Hi, ya’ll. Have a seat and your waitress will be right with ya.” Your waitress will arrive and ask if you want sweet or unsweet tea. She’s not talking about hot tea; she’s talking about fresh brewed ice tea, the Southerners year around beverage of choice. If you ask a Northern waitress for “sweet tea” you will probably get a blank stare, or a pot of hot tea with a few small packets of sugar. You will also get that “deer in the headlights” look from the Northern waitress if you ask if the tea is fresh brewed. It seems that the only ice tea that most Northern restaurants know is the kind that flows out of the fountain pop machine.

A good dinner salad is usually enjoyed next by Northerners and Southerners alike. The Southern salad might contain some black-eyed peas, baby lima beans and turnip greens in addition to the expected lettuce and carrots. The Northern salad usually has something a bit “artsy” in it, like a festively cut piece of onion or a hard chunk of baby cob corn. The big difference is the choice of bread that accompanies the salad. In the North you might get a stale breadstick or if you’re really fortunate, a special dinner roll fresh off of the Franz delivery truck! Those dining in the South will enjoy either a big thick slab of hot cornbread and honey butter or a mouth-watering handmade buttermilk biscuit and fresh jam.

Moving along toward the main course, some Southern decisions need to be made. In addition to the real mashed potatoes and country gravy, you will choose two or three “sides” from a huge list that includes: corn, fresh green beans and bacon, greens, cole slaw, fried apples, dumplings, macaroni and cheese, hash brown or sweet potato casserole, fried okra, to name a few. In the North, you will have the “awesome” task of deciding between a baked potato, French fries or rice pilaf, which is really a clump of instant rice mixed with bullion with a few peas thrown in for good luck. Most Northerners decide to “play it safe” and stick with the baked potato (only available after 5:00 p.m.) or enjoy a few fries with ketchup.

After the choices are made, dinner, as it is known in the North, or supper, as it is known in the South, is served. It’s time to bring out the “big bird”. “Up” North your chicken might be broiled, baked or marinated in some “fancy-dancy” goop. It might be covered with fresh lemon slices or it might be stuffed with something strange. It will probably be a boneless breast, as Northerners think the breast is the only edible part of the bird. You can be sure that it will have a pretentious sounding name, like “Grand Chicken Lemon”, or something of that nature. “Down” South you will enjoy golden brown, crispy, hot, well-seasoned fried chicken, breasts, drumsticks, wings and other assorted parts included. It will have been fried in either butter, lard or bacon grease and it will be so delicious that your arteries won’t care a bit! Plain and simple, “down home” chicken can’t be beat!

If you are still able to find a corner of your tummy left unfilled, dessert is waiting. In the South, you might choose an apple dumpling made with tender slices of Golden Delicious apples, baked in a crust, covered with pecan streusel and served warm with vanilla ice cream. In the North, you might pay the price of a whole pie for a sliver of pie, “fresh” from the freezer. As you eat your dessert, your gaze will fall upon the bill for your meal. It is almost guaranteed that the Southern meal will be about one-half of the cost of the Northern meal. It’s one instance where you don’t get what you pay for! However, the expected tip is the same no matter where you dine. You then “roll” out of the restaurant with visions of a long nap to help you recover from your gluttony.

While the history books declare that the North won the Civil War, there are definitely some battles that go unreported and undocumented. One such battle is the “Battle of the Chicken Dinner”. This battle rages on and fuels the War Between the States, fought in Southern dining halls where the tinkling of the ice cubes in the sweet tea mingle with the rebel yell of “Southern chicken rules!” to the fern adorned eateries of the North and the timid cries of “Just say no to fat!” Having eaten chicken dinners on both sides of the Mason-Dixon Line, I choose to live and dine in Dixie! The South will rise again, thanks to their perfect chicken dinner.

Sacred Mountains

2009-07-27T21:41:00.000-07:00

above: Place of a Thousand Drips

above: Ephraim Bales Barn

The Cherokee People called the Great Smoky Mountains "Shaconage," or "place of blue smoke." It is a place of remarkable natural beauty, incredible views, and sparkling streams. I have visited these mountains several times and each time I am amazed by their quiet strength. They really do appear out of a bluish haze that creates a remarkable palette of color.

Last month I again made the long trek to the Smoky Mountains with my parents. Due to the humid heat, my dad and I decided to forgo a hike by foot and at the suggestion of a local resident, traveled the Roaring Fork Motor Trail in the Smoky Mountain National Park, which takes off out of Gatlinburg, Tennessee. This one-way paved road twists and turns through the park and shows off the bounty of the park. Creamy, blush wild Rhodies were everywhere and at every turn it seemed as though there were beautiful waterfalls. It was a welcome respite from the busyness of Gatlinburg. One of the most impressive sights was the Place of a Thousand Drips, an awe-inspiring waterfall that cascaded over ancient rocks.

The local that told us about Roaring Fork Motor Trail owned a second hand store in between Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge. Her family had been early settlers of the area and she introduced me to her grandmother who was in her 90's. "Grandma" was a delightful lady with a southern mountain drawl. She spoke of living on the family farm, which was now in the Smoky Mountain National Park. The U.S. Government bought out her family's farm and they had to move to make way for the park 75 years ago. This brought to my attention the plight of many of the mountain families that had to give up their homes and farms during the time of the creation of the park. There is still some bitterness by some that miss their homesteads, as the park came with a high price tag for those that had to vacate the land after being bought out by the U.S. Government. The amount of great emotional losses to people who had to walk away from their homes didn't equal the amount of monies paid for their lands. A later survey of the displaced people showed that about half took the money and ran and were glad to have it; while the other half expressed feelings from mild inconvenience to outright hostility. Some people were allowed to stay under lifetime leases, particularly if they were too old or too sick to move. Younger ones were granted leases on a short-term basis, if they wanted to try to stick it out. However, they could not cut timber, hunt and trap at will, or otherwise live as they always had.

All in all, more than 1,200 land-owners had to leave their land once the park was established. They left behind many farm buildings, mills, schools, and churches. Over 70 of these structures have since been preserved so that Great Smoky Mountains National Park now contains the largest collection of historic log buildings in the East. (information from National Park Service-Great Smoky Mountain National Park site)

One farm that stands is the Ephraim Bales place. Standing silent in a wooded glen, the cabin and outbuildings seemed frozen in time. From the rock walls built by busy hands, to the paths that curved down to the rushing stream, this homestead was quiet, as if waiting for the nine Bales children to return. Walking along the grounds, I found myself imagining what it would have been like to live such a life in the mountains. I was thankful for the preservation of these homesteads that allow us to peak into the past, but I mourned the families that had to give up their dreams and make way for the park.

My Little Boy

2009-07-20T09:03:00.001-07:00

Meet my best buddy, Spur. I think he had enough of the sun and fun in this pix. We had spent the afternoon up the Trask River and I had coaxed him into the water, which he didn't really enjoy all that much. But he took a swim for me...He usually looks more "smiley" and I think he was in a serious mood (pondering his dog paddling).

Spur is a darling and keeps me company. He's my good little boy and I adore him. I had a beloved little beagle, Augie for 16 years and she peacefully passed away a couple of years ago. My daughter, Lesley thought I was lonely and brought home Spur, who was the runt of a litter and a very teeny-tiny boy. I fell in love at first sight. My awesome dalmatian, Gunner adores Spur too.

"One reason a dog can be such a comfort is that when you are blue, they don't try to find out why." Author Unknown.

Slow Down South

2009-07-18T21:19:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I visited my Aunt Ruth Ann who lives near Atlanta, Georgia. I've always been a fan of the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" and was happy to visit the tiny town of Juliette, Georgia where the movie was filmed. After eating at the "Whistle Stop Cafe"(the secret's in the sauce), I wandered the one street of the town. The old buildings are now in use as little antique and specialty stores.

I spied this old bike propped up against a building and just had to stop. Something about this bike made me pause and think. Who rode this bike and where did it take the rider? What adventures did the bike participate in? Someone that rode this bike had style as the seat was a "banana" seat and not an ordinary factory seat. Was it always white, or was it shiny red or blue when new? The bike had seen better days and I'll bet those days were great! Riding down the red Georgia clay back roads pedaling to the sound of buzzing bugs and the smell of a humid southern afternoon, the rider must have been happy to be traveling in such style. I wonder how many lightning bugs the rider chased when speeding home late for supper?

The heat of the noon-day sun jarred me back from my thoughts...time to get back into the air conditioned car...

Maid-Rite Forever!

2009-07-17T11:12:00.001-07:00

The Maid-Rite in Christopher, Illinois has been a "must go to" spot in my family forever. My dad grew up in this small Southern Illinois town and spent many hours at the horseshoe-shaped counter enjoying "maid-rite" sandwiches; a loose-meat beef sandwich and delicious homemade pies.

My aunt and uncle worked there as teenagers in the 1950's so there is a lot of affection for the institution in my family. My dad has been living "out west" on the Oregon Coast in Tillamook for over 50 years and every time he travels "back home" to Christopher the first stop he makes is the Maid-Rite to see who is there, as it's always been the local meeting spot. It's not unusual for locals to drop in more than once a day to check out who is there.

I was just there a couple of weeks ago with my mom and dad. The pies are just as yummy as ever and the maid-rite sandwiches are the same as I remembered with "everything" on it. Everything is mustard and onions. I must admit I customize with some ketchup, which makes the sandwich perfect!

The Christopher Maid-Rite didn't seem as busy this visit. The hours seemed to be cut back. The "word on the street" is that there is some worry that the current owner is not as devoted to the history and importance of this institution to the community as he should be. I hope that is not true and I really hope that the current owner keeps the place going strong. It would break my heart to travel back to Christopher and find the place gone! The current owner needs to appreciate the sentiment that the place holds for the locals and the countless people that grew up there and return to the Maid-Rite on their quest for a taste of their past!

I found an interesting article in the local newspaper about the restaurant, highlighting the current owner and the previous ownership of the beloved institution. Also visit the Maid-Rite corporate website which gives some interesting history behind the Maid-Rite franchise.

If you ever have a chance to visit a Maid-Rite restaurant, especially the one in Christopher, Illinois, jump at it...it's a piece of Americana that is seldom seen today!

A Penny for Your Thoughts...

2009-05-31T11:36:00.000-07:00

Sweet Mae...I found this precious photo on a blog that provides vintage pix (forgive me I can't remember which blog) and was touched by her sweetness. The photo was identified simply as "Mae." Who is this little darling and what is she thinking? She has a sad look in her eyes that touches me. I know someone cares about her as evident by the pretty flowers in her carefully curled hair. I want to talk to Mae and make her smile, but she seems to look right through me to the source of her secret. I will never know who this dolly is and that is the magic of it. She can be anyone I want her to be. I want her to be happy.

Sweet Mae...I hope all of your dreams came true...

Colour Your Soul

2009-05-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

I love to laugh and find humor in the craziest places. I’m “eclectic” and I like it that way. It makes life extremely interesting and adventurous.

I’m at peace within my soul and I have a love of people. I believe that unless you have walked in the shoes of someone, (and even if you have) you cannot judge that person. Judgmental people bother me. I love to experience people and endeavor to give as much or more joy to others as I receive.

You Don't Always Get What You Want...

2009-05-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

I grew up believing if you try hard enough things will work out, one way or another. This is a belief that has been tested by my life. I’ve had to adjust this belief, because the truth is that sometimes things are completely out of my control and sometimes things just don’t work out the way I wish them to. But…I also believe that God has a plan, a good plan for my life and even if things don’t work out the way I plan, He has a higher plan and things will ultimately work out in a way that I never expected. I have learned that I don’t have all of the answers, but at the same time sometimes I have answers right in front of me and I don’t see them.

It is what it is...

2009-05-17T18:17:00.000-07:00

A photograph taken during a moment in time...Our last family photo was taken at my son Christopher's graduation in 2002. Since then many pictures have been taken, but none with all of us together.

Seven years later...time has healed some hurts, but time has not erased the love I have for the father of my children. I made a promise in 1980. For better or worse...to be faithful...I took the promise seriously...he didn't. We move on and learn to live with the regrets. Our lives change and we accept the changes. He will always have a special place in my heart. He is the father of my children...

A photograph taken during a moment in time...

My Grammie

2009-05-17T17:40:00.001-07:00

I miss Grammie. She was a real lady and always had unconditional love for all of her grandchildren. She was fun and loved to go places and do things. I grew up next door to her and worked on her and my grandpa's dairy farm. All of my friends knew her as "Grammie." I am the oldest grandchild (she only had 4) so I knew her longest. We really had a thing going about the soap opera Days of Our Lives. She watched that soap from the beginning and got me hooked when I was in high school in the 1970's. I would watch it every day I could between work and college and the days I missed, Gram would give me the run down report. In the early 1980's when VCR's came on the scene, I was in seventh heaven! No more missed Days!

Gram never missed "her story" until the last year of her life when it became too difficult for her to follow the stories on TV. Even then she liked to visit with me about the show. She always called it our "story." Gram's life story ended in April 2006. She died peacefully at home surrounded by her family. My aunt, mom and I sang Gospel songs as she was taking her final breaths. Soon she was still. Grammie was in heaven...

If You Never Try...You'll Never Know... Just What You're Worth

2009-05-17T17:11:00.000-07:00

Beautiful day in May in the Pacific Northwest! The sun brings clarity and time to clean out the cobwebs in the mind...Today I promise to remember to be part of the solution and not part of the problem in life's "situations." There is nothing so certain as change and everyday brings new experiences, problems and opportunities. In the past I have balked at change...I like my comfort zone. Then a time came when I had no comfort zone and I had to learn to live on the fly, without a net. After many missteps and regrets, I had to learn to let it go and move forward. Too much time looking back leaves one not enough time to see what now brings. I don't want to miss anything. I'm moving forward...

My Mommy and Her Brother

2009-04-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

This is a special one. Last summer a friend and I went on an awesome vacation trip with my parents to Tennessee and the Smoky Mountains. We had a great week and were preparing to travel on to Nashville and other great destinations. A late night phone call changed all of our plans. My mom's only sibling, my uncle had died suddenly back home in Oregon. He was only 66 years old. Through the confusion and grief, we changed our flights and returned home to plan a funeral.

My mom and her brother grew up on a dairy farm and their only family "vacation" was the four days of the local County Fair. They worked on the farm and saved their pennies all year for the fair. As they worked they dreamed of the rides they would ride and the goodies they would eat. I created this collage picturing them in their youth and entered it as a courtesy exhibit at the same County Fair that they always attended. It's a "magical" County Fair...I go every year and now my grown children go every year. And yes...my mom at age 71 still goes every year to the Tillamook County Fair, in Tillamook, Oregon.

Something for a Saturday

2009-04-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

Such a sassy cowgirl! She's rootin' tootin' brassy and loves to be the center of attention! Maybe secretly she's a bit like me? I'll never tell. I had fun creating this one. Add a cutie pie vintage cowgirl, throw in a western comic book cover and play with other textures and viola...you have a bust 'em up digital collage! This one made the perfect gift for a friends new tack room wall! Yee-haw!

My Baby

2009-04-11T12:19:00.001-07:00

Andy Warhol inspired design of my daughter. Fun way to highlight special portrait style photos.

Hello Trouble

2009-04-11T12:09:00.000-07:00

I had a blast doing this project. I let myself wander and thought of a girl who probably lived in single-wides all of her life and frequented the road-side motels of old Route 66. She's a tough cookie and has "been there...done that." She knows she has the goods and knows how to use them. But who is she inside? Does she have a family? Is it all a put-on? What do you think?

She Will Go Far

2009-04-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

Little red coat and tiny red shoes. Her hair combed and curled by a mommy who loved her. She stands by her red trike so proudly. She doesn't know that there will be days when she will cry and feel alone. She only knows what is. A sunny day to ride her trike.

The days unfold and show their colors. I pray for a rainbow...

I think I'm Finally Satisfied

2009-04-11T01:20:00.000-07:00

OK...this blog thing has cost me a lot of sleep this week. I think I've finally decided on the right background. I'm a designer and I should have designed my own, right? Wrong! This blog is supposed to be separate from my job and is supposed to be for me to say what I want to say without stressing over work. So I've searched for the right background and found it. I want to be able to change quickly when I feel like it and not spend my own time designing the blog area.

Kind of like a cook that doesn't want to cook dinner, they want to go out to dinner...

Enough obsessing over the blog. I'm ready to go and am excited to be able to start posting!

It Might Be Spring

2009-04-06T23:48:00.001-07:00

Ok...I'm obsessing. There. I said it. Half the battle is to admit, right? It's late and I have to work tomorrow and I should be in bed. Instead I'm working on this little piece of "internet heaven" and trying to make it look decent. I need to let it go. So I will...but before I do...

Beautiful day in the Pacific Northwest. Best day of the year so far. Warm and blue skies...it may rain here a lot and we have tons of grey days, but when it's nice it's gorgeous! The green trees and the growing grass stand out against the bright yellow daffodils growing in the field. Tonight the frogs are singing and it feels like summer. But I'm too smart to be fooled, yes I am...I'm suspecting we will have some more colder weather before it slips into May weather.

The horses are losing their winter coats...they need to be brushed. One thing at a time...I've got to get some sleep!
Dreaming of warm sun and a comfortable lawn chair...

Happy Birthday, Baby!

2009-03-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

A Happy Birthday Wish for the father of my two great kids.

"We've seen some good times, been through some bad.
But somewhere between the laughter and the tears
we sure had a lot of great years.
We didn't need fortune we didn't need fame
just a little shelter from the rain.
I didn't need a castle made of stone
all I ever needed was you."
We both made major mistakes in our relationship and I have many regrets, but in spite of all, you hold a special place in my heart. Through my journey of healing due to the sweet grace of God, I have learned to love and forgive...myself and you.

Even though we both have went on in different directions, who knows...life has been known to take crazy turns...see ya around...

So here's to you, Baby...31 years later and still as handsome as you were in that summer of 1978. What a summer...EVERYTHING was good!

Clarity

2009-03-29T22:31:00.000-07:00

The time for confusion has passed. There is a new sense of purpose and clarity that is growing in my soul. Decisions are being pondered about and some ideas are rolling around. Everything is being thought of in a positive light. Ways to rectify past mistakes and poor habits. Every day is a new day and another chance to get it right, if not better.

I'm ready for tomorrow and the brightness it will bring. I will keep my soul soft and let myself shine.

Spring Break Bummer

2009-03-28T13:04:00.000-07:00

Ok...I am trying to be positive and there is always two sides to a story...I work at a high school. I adore my job. Spring Break was here! Wow! Perk of working for the schools. 1.5 weeks off to chill and work at my "other job" as a freelance graphic designer. I had awesome jobs lined up and was looking forward to creating and making some serious cash. Except there was a glitch to my plan.

Plans...don't they say "plans are ALWAYS subject to change?" After fighting illness off and on for 2 months (amazing how you catch things in the cesspool of a school building) Well...I have just spent my entire Spring Break sick. That's sicker than a dog...that's "hope this never happens again" sick. That's "feel sorry for yourself sick." That's emergency room Saturday night sick...and the one thing I've found is that doctors are much too quick at "diagnosing." A patronizing "you've got the "bug" didn't cut it for me. After 2 trips to the doctor (which is NOT like me...but when you're desperate...) the third trip was a charm. Finally I saw my doctor who had been gone for the week (enjoying Spring Break...grrr) on Friday. After being validated and diagnosed with severe bronchitis with asthmatic symptoms (amazing how you can't concentrate or work when you can't empty your lungs properly) he prescribed meds that kicked in by Friday night. I'm going to live!!! Now only if that ER doctor would have really listened to me a week ago Saturday...

So...as usual, I ask myself the question: what is this suppose to teach me? On one hand... major bummer that my Spring Break was basically non-productive. OK...I'll be honest..."basically is a delusional word for me. I didn't get squat done other than washing some dishes on Wed and staring at the computer screen on Thurs. I'm staring at the unaccomplished, lofty goals that I set for myself for this magical time of Spring Break. Before Break=unorganized. After Break=perfect organization. I might still be feverish...I think I'm losing it!

On the other hand, I didn't have to use any sick leave and didn't have to miss any work and the weather was crummy and wet, so I really didn't miss out on much. I think I might have talked myself talked into being OK with it. Yeah right!

The best thing that came out of this is the fact that I have realized that I cannot do it all. I have to simplify and cut back. Even though I'm almost finished with college and my BA is within reach, it will still be there next fall. I'm taking a much needed break and cutting myself some slack. No full time college this spring. Just work full time and a half at two jobs. I'm leaving myself some time to be creative and enjoy the life. The spinning weekends of papers to write and textbooks to read will wait. I want to take a deep breath (as soon as my bronchitis clears up anyway), exhale (without coughing my head off) and see my life for what is always has been. Not perfect, but good. I'm ready to make some long due changes and concentrate on what I know I am and do what I want to do instead of what I think I should do. I'm "such a good girl" anyway. Yeah right.

Time to take a nap...

It All Adds Up

2009-03-24T18:18:00.000-07:00

There have been tears and brokeness in my life, but I believe that brokeness and tears can lead to a healing that results in a tender heart. I am thankful for all of the “brokenness” I have had in my life. I’m thankful that I was somehow able to hang on and get through the darkness. It has made me the person I am today. It has made me a more compassionate and loving person, a better friend and a better me. I also believe that the struggles in life can work for you because then you discover that you can do things that you never realized you could do! The struggles humble and empower you at the same time and experiencing that mix of humbleness and power is amazing!

It’s all good…

If Wishes Were Horses...I'd Have a Ranch...Lucinda Williams

2009-03-24T18:13:00.000-07:00

Saturday in March. Warm weather brings thoughts and hopes of winter’s end. Grass growing, smells wonderful. Brave Girl is pondering all of the jobs that need to be done. Brave Girl is a frustrated perfectionist. She wants to be perfect, but is rational enough to know that perfection is an unhealthy pursuit. Brave Girl’s best is the goal. Baby steps, one at a time, this is the path to completeness. Brave Girl is working on loving herself and cutting herself some slack.

Appreciate life, Brave Girl. Life waits for no one.